Kenyon College Ballroom Dance Club: Minutes for Spring 2007

1/16/07
1/25/07
2/01/07
2/8 and 15/07
2/22/07
3/22/07
3/29/07
Minutes 1/16/07
Sorry if I misspell your name. I do care about that. Let me know.
 
As for any other complaints, shame on you for thinking your opinion will make a difference. What is this, a
democracy?
 
Okay, everybody. Here we go.
 
 
“His fatal departure was regretted by no-one who witnessed his trail, the ignominious marks of his flight where
he’d skulked away, exhausted in spirit and beaten in battle, bloodying the path, hauling his doom to the demon’s
mere.
 The bloodshot water wallowed and surged…hell claimed him there.”
                                                -Beowulf, trn. Seamus Heaney
 
 
From what I can recall, I arrived with much fanfare approximately five minutes after the meeting had started.
Ukuleles were the first thing to catch my attention, and the only thing worth mentioning, from those first five
minutes.
Those in attendance included
 
Chris Blaine…………………Deuce X. Machine (President)
Helle Slutz…………………..The Ice Queen
Ben H………………………..A bald, sinister and ugly man (Vice President)
Brendan Cox………………..Twist O’Lemmon
Emma-ema-ema……………...ema-ema-a-a-ema (Webmaster)
Elena Fernandez…………….Bloody Mary (Treasurer)
Saskia………………………..Sally Manila (Historian)
Anneke………………………Her Royal Majesty (Co-Competition Coordinator)
Ari…………………………..The Jealous Lover
Myself……………………….Jesus H. Christ (You didn’t see this) (Secretary)
Maya Schell…………………The Standard Unit of Cuteness
 
Arianna then asked me if Allison would be arriving. At the very moment, as if a great sacred horn had been
sounded to invoke an ancient Demon, Allison entered with the Chef.
 
Allison G…………………….Fear itself (Competition Coordinator)
Thomas………………………Master Chef Diddy Mao
 
Our first topic:  Snowball.
 
Actually, this topic was neither interesting, nor helpful to discuss. No verdict was rendered, but you shouldn’t
trust anything I say, anyway. There will be an email. It will let you know where to be.
 
The problem then shifts to Belinda, and a dance studio whose name I can’t make out from the recording. Of
course, Ben is in favor of the dance studio. For some reason, the KAC and Ben just don’t seem to get along.
The dance will therefore probably be in the KAC, so that Ben might finally face his inner demons.
 
 
Realizing how utterly boring the conversation has become, the SI Unit of Cuteness decided to wave to Mr.
O’Lemmon, who happily waves back. Seeing that something interesting is finally starting to happen, I follow
the direction of Maya’s wave to Brendan, who then decides this would be a good time to wave at me. I fly him
the bird. Helle looks like a confused orphan.
 
HELLE:  I sit between Chris and Ben. Chris is eating too much, and it’s gross, he is such a fatty. Ben is
breathing too loud and I want to cry. I just want to cry. Now Andrew is looking at me because I’m acting so
self-conscious. He is such a dork. I hate everyone.
 
We talk about fling. We talk about the DJ for snowball (again with the snowballing). We talk about logistics
and speakers. We talk about last year.
 
LAST YEAR THERE WAS CHAOS. BEN WAS ORDERED BY MARTA TO INTRODUCE MEMBERS
OF THE CLUB. MARTA SECRETLY TOLD BRENDAN TO SHAKE HIS HEAD AT BEN EVERYTIME
HE RECOUNTED THAT STORY.
 
Brendan shakes his head at Ben. I finish my Coke. It was twice as refreshing as the conversation.
 
AND YES, IT IS REFRESHING.
 
We talk about all you new people. I envy you guys, personally. You pay ten less than I do for the next competition,
and still get to spend just as much time with me as I do. You lucky ducks.
 
We discuss teaching lessons, and take down names for the instructors. It’s unanimously concluded that I am far
too attractive to be teaching lessons, and as a result I am banned from any such teaching in the future. To avoid
any nasty teacher student relationships, of course.
 
ALLISON:  Gawd, Maya is soo cute. I think I’m going to say that to everyone.
 
Allison mentions how cute Maya is. We all discuss the fact that Maya is the cutest thing since the birth of the
first kitten. We talk about the new meeting time
 
WHICH IS 5:15 ON THURSDAYS, MARK IT ON YOUR PDA!
 
And then we get onto the subject of clocks. My personal favorite was the Legend of Zelda watch you could
actually play a level of Link to the Past on. It was a pretty sick watch.
 
BUT NOT AS AWESOME AS THE PONG CLOCK!
 
We do dessert, then talk about who can drive and when. We talk about who will dance bronze (just about
everyone) and I get confused. So I naturally stop paying attention, which leads to far more interesting thoughts.
For example, has anyone noticed how awesome Batman is? I mean, seriously, the guy is a f****** ninja. I
mean, what’s more awesome than
 
REAL ULTIMATE POWER!
 
Unfortunately, Ari brings up something interesting about me having sexy time with Chris. I lose my train of
thought, which is to say ninjas. Thanks Ari.
For once, someone else is bringing me down into the gutter. But you’re right, it is more interesting. Sorry if you
hate gay people, I didn’t mean to bring up a sore point about
 
HOW MUCH MORE AWESOME OWEN MURPHY IS THAN YOU.
 
We dismiss. I recommend the strawberry jell-o stuff if you see it, it’s delicious.
 
Tame enough for all of you? I didn’t mean to tone it down, really.
It’s just that, you know, some times it just isn’t there. Chris knows what I’m talking about. Until Next Time!
Minutes 1/25/07
Sorry if I misspell your name. I do care about that. Let me know.
 
If you dig the hyperlinks, download the attached word file.  If not, sucks to be you!
 
Thus it begats.
 
“The monkey is a child of whim;
Ethics mean nothing much to him;
His life is full of fun and zest;
He turns his critics with a jest;
A tailor and a friend or two
Could make him mayor of the zoo.”
                                                            -Ogden Nash, from Zoo
 
And after being fired from the Laundromat for power washing kittens, we find our hero, the illustrious,
charming, pompous and vertigo stricken Andrew Saygers the very first to enter in thru the Mighty Oak
doors of the Gund Meeting room, and commence his dinner. In quick succession, he is followed by
 
Suzanna (wearing a black coat and a fiendish smirk)
 
A member of res-life, who causes something of an Armageddon when she claims (incorrectly) that res-
life is holding HCA interviews in the meeting room, prompting both Suzanna and Andrew to respond by
whippin out their Ghats and Ghattin’ the unsuspecting CA full of heat and metal.  Within five minutes,
Suzanna has power washed the carpet, Andrew has dumped the body, and I have given up on third
person narration.
 
The players, in order of appearance, are
 
Myself………………………………Thor, God of Thunder (Secretary)
Suzanna……………………………..The Lady Macbeth (Historian)
Emma………………………………..Sara Bellum (Webmistress)
Chris………………………………...Mr. Delicious (President)
Helle…………………………………The Lady Firebird
Ben…………………………………..Jabba the Hut (Vice President)
Ari…………………………………...Viviane of the Lake
Saskia………………………………..Rianne ten Haken (Historian)
Maya………………………………...Ophelia Payne
Allyson………………………………Amanda Young (Competition Coordinator)
Thomas………………………………Tommy Boy
 
We discuss hypothetical mortal peril. What does that mean, anyway?  We discuss the lemon pie, which
has liquefied to fill in the places where people took slices already.  Ari accidentally eats some Tilapia,
Insert fish innuendo here.  Helle begs for napkins, receives none, and weeps like a woman.  We discuss
an imaginary Television above the dish conveyor belt (nice call Chris.  I saw that TV). 
 
We talk about how much school costs. Damn, cost about as much as it would cost to get liposuction for
yo mama.  Yo mama’s so fat, she puts mayo on aspirin.
 
Anneke arrives late.
 
Anneke……………………………....Polly (from Dr. Who) (Co-Competition
Coordinator)
 
Just as I begin to wonder where Brendan and Valerie are, they arrive.
 
Brendan………………………………David Ortiz
Valerie………………………………..Ivana Delana
 
We have a long and pointless discussion about Snowball, which went well if you’re wondering. I’m
not going to talk about it now, because it already happened.
 
Ride On, the seminal P-Funk anthem, is playing over and over in my head. I make it clear to everyone
by grooving, bobbing my head and singing along.
 
Allyson prefers Carrot Cake without frosting.  Everyone else in their right minds prefers it with Cream
Cheese Frosting. What’s your preference? I prefer Russian supermodels in Cream Cheese icing, but
that’s because I’m a billionaire playboy with my own leer jet and Cream Cheese Frosting factory. Call
me Ladies! 
 
And just so y’all know, lemon squares beat carrot cake any day.
 
We discuss Svetlana and her dancers, who were phenomenal and barely older than me. Actually, the
chick was probably younger than me. I feel like my whole life to this point has been worthless. At least
I’ve done better than ninety-five percent of this club (except Brendan. In all my life I’ll never have the
encyclopedic knowledge of Japan that he has).
 
Brendan and I talk about Napkins. He’s too spineless to ask me for mine, so I tell he needs to be more
assertive. Last time I do that. Out of nowhere he tells me to shut up. I’m never giving him anything but
shit for the rest of his worthless life.
 
“It ain't what you know, it's what you feel
Don't worry about being right, just be for real
We're gonna do it to the max, when we do it
We're gonna do it, do it good, when we do it
 
Put a hump in your back
Shake your sacroiliac
And ride on
Let's take a ride.”
                        -Excerpt from Ride On,
                             of Parliaments seminal album “Chocolate City”
 
We discuss the sheriff, and what a tremendous mammering dismal-dreaming ratsbane he is.
 
At this point we are still talking about Snowball, so Brendan and I talked about how these minutes would
occur after Snowball. Nice going guys, next time maybe we could talk about something in the future. As
in something that has yet to occur after I write this down. Damn, now that I look at my notes, it’s like I’m
recounting what has been but is yet to be.
 
We talk about our D.A.R.E. officers.  Mine was kicked off the force for smoking bud.
 
We talk about all the people who got tickets driving back from Purdue.  Hey, it happens.
 
People roll for dessert.  We talk about dessert.  And then out of nowhere some crazy chick named
Arianna threatens me with death. Jeeze, woman. All I did was take a poorly veiled pass at your boyfriend.
It isn’t my fault if my sheer animal magnetism and staggeringly good looks charm him. 
 
All hell breaks loose.  I kick a pool ball into someone’s face, then punt two cats and a bunny rabbit in my
rage. Helle tears out Ben’s heart and eats it while it’s still beating. A wild boar gores Brendan through the
chest, who, unfazed, gouges out its eyes with his thumbs. And Chris is killed by Bees after he goes back
into the woods to look for his girlfriend’s lost ring.  God, what a little nancy.
 
 
The record for number of competitors is set by the current club, by the way. More this year than any other.
It’s sad to think that I should be the one chronicling the Halcyon Golden Age of the KCBDC.
 
Maya and Helle thug it out. Sorry Helle, but I think Maya wins by default, since she’s the least white of the
two of you.
 
Brendan does a strip tease for everyone.  I have no idea how to relate to you how hawt it is.
 
Arianna likes to eat dry ice.  She just doesn’t know what it is. We talk about how to transport ice cream.
 
Some more info on snowball, blah blah blah we went over this.
 
Helle drops a mom joke.  It’s pretty weak, but she claims to be tired. No one drops one on her, so how
about a flash back to the nineties?  Helle, yo mama’s so fat, she got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
 
Helle and Maya thug some more. We talk about Maya’s ID, which leads to my Driver’s License photo. I
have KISS hair.
 
Brendan makes motion to adjourn.  We roll.
 
Here’s one for the road (if you download), back next week!
Minutes 2/1/07: In Soviet Russia, free is for money?
 
Sorry if I misspell your name. I do care about that. Let me know.
 
If you dig the hyperlinks, download the attached word file. If not, sucks to be you!
 
Are you ready? Are you ready? LET’S DO IT!
 
“In the case of archery, the hitter and the hit are no longer two opposing objects, but are one reality. The
archer ceases to be conscious of himself as the one who is engaged in hitting the bull’s-eye which confronts
him. The state of unconsciousness is realized only when, completely empty and rid of self, he becomes
one with the perfecting of his technical skill, though there is in it something of a quite different order which
cannot be attained by any progressive study of the art….”
 
            Eugene Herrigel, from ‘Zen in the Art of Archery’
 
We begin by removing to the Gund ballroom, as some lame extern function is in progress in the meeting
room.
 
The players, in no particular order, are
 
Emma…………………………………Lady Picture Show (Webmistress)
Brendan……………………………….Kaiser Cox
Chris…………………………………..My Estranged Lover (President)
Ari…………………………………….My Lover in Law
Elena………………………………….Senorita Suspense (Treasurer)
Caleb…………………………………..Ichabod Crane
Suzanna………………………………..La Femme Fatale (Historian)
Ben…………………………………….Comrade Ushanka (Vice President)
Helle…………………………………...Juulia Kristiine Ilves
Ani…………………………………….The Manchurian Candidate (Co-Competition Coordinator)
Saskia…………………………………The White Rabbit (Historian)
Maya…………………………………..A. Dorable
Myself…………………………………Azrael (Secretary)
 
Vegetarians are the first order of business: specifically, the nature of the choices belonging to those of
us who do, on occasion, masticate our way through the s*** they serve in Gund. Specifically, Lady
Nightshade. In any event, most people decided to skip meat, or only have a little, or have a lot.
Whatever.
 
Business:  Chris talked to someone about taking pictures from Snowball and putting them on the interweb,
so if you could get your photos on the P-drive and bring them in, that would be great. Ben wants to purvey
those with him in them (did anybody take any?), because he’s a pretty girl. A self conscious, pretty, pretty
girl.
 
More Business:  Ani informs us that ‘we gots vans, b*****s!’ So you will have transit to UofM if you
planned on going.
 
We again devolve into not important things, specifically New Hampshire. And how it sucks, even to Chris’s
nancy protestations (“c’mon guys, leave my state alone, it’s not stupid, I’m telling my mommy”). In fact, just
about every state sucks.
Ohio blows. Michigan sucks. Indiana is the asshole of the world. Let’s not talk about New Jersey. Bon Jovi
is from New Jersey.
 
At least it’s not in the South.
 
The bookstore sells a magazine called “Peace and Pot.” Heavy, man.
 
Helle talks down to Chris for trying to make this nonsense kid friendly. I don’t see any children around.
Because they’re where they belong. In their cages.
 
We return to the subject of Marijuana, and specifically, to how well Maya is acquainted with the ganja.
 
Chris backhands Elena for no apparent reason.
 
Business:  If you ever feel uncomfortable with a driver, email Chris, and he will move you to a van you can feel
safe in. I’m sorry if Ben is driving your van. Not because he’s a bad driver. I’m sorry because that means
you’ll have to listen to him talk, and you won’t be able to run.
 
In his psych class, Chris is apparently a misogynist (according to Helle). He apparently thinks Men control
women. I’d have to agree with him. Men control women with babies. By making them have them.
 
Thursday was Ari’s sister’s Birthday. Happy Birthday, Ari’s sister. It’s also
Allyson’s Birthday today, as I’m writing this. Allyson, if I don’t see you, happy birthday. You’re no longer a
teenager. That’s about all there is to say.
 
Brendan expounds on Soviet Russia. Some of his words of wisdom:
In soviet Russia, YTMNDs downvote you.
In soviet mordor, Boromir simply walks into you.
 
Chris throws a piece of cake at Ari (insert icing joke here).
 
Ben brags about his rabbit fur hat. What an asshole.
 
We talk about slide rules and graphing calculators. Brendan wants an Abacus.
We move on to what careers you can pursue if you major in math. I prefer actuarial sciences. I predict Chris
will die in five years from...well, you don't want to know, do you?
 
More Business: This Week In Ballroom
 
      -Goin’ over stuff from Svetlana’s last lesson.
      -Going over other advanced steps.
      -Shoes, and how not to get them off the internet.
      -Svetlana on Wednesday, doing Quickstep and Rumba
      -Excitement, romance, intrigue…and one contestant is          voted off the island.
 
So Come, Motherf****s!
 
We comment on how Saskia is wearing a shirt that for all intents and purposes is very pirate like.
 
 
The Bottom Line:
 
We have the vans, we have mucho bailando este semana, bring your pictures and put them on the p-drive.
 
As always, Brendan Adjourns. See you next week.
Minutes 2/8 and 15/07
 
This week I have to apologize, folks. The last two weeks I’ve been sick, so I had decided to mash last
week and this week together. Unfortunately, this weekend took a turn for the tragic; if you didn’t already
know, Lewis Resident Caleb Gottinger (’10) died suddenly of a subdural hemorrhage this Saturday. I have
to say I really don’t have anything humorous in me. Here’s the bottom line, and make sure to keep the
Gottingers in your thoughts and prayers.
 
For last Week:
-Nice Job at comps everyone. Props to Anneke for the planning.
-In April there will be a pro teaching West Coast Swing at Apple Valley. Talk to Ben if you’re interested.
 
For this Week:
-Svetlana will be making up a lesson on a Sunday before one of our remaining comps.
-We will be taping practices periodically to assist in bettering technique. If you don’t wish to be taped, that’s
fine.
-From now on, we will begin practice every SMT by reviewing all the moves from one particular dance. Those
dances are:
 
This Sunday: Tango (I forget which).
This Monday: Samba
This Tuesday: Quickstep
Next Sunday: Am. Rumba
 
Next Monday: Jive
Next Tuesday: Waltz
 
-Technique and new combo options will follow learning the steps.
-If you are interested in the $900 ballroom camp Ben does during the summer, talk to him. Warning: it overlaps
July 4th, so if you like the holiday, be warned.
Have a good week. Be safe, see you around.
Minutes 2/22/07
 
• Sorry if I misspell your name. I do care about that. Let me know.
If you dig the hyperlinks, download the attached word file. If not, sucks to be you! (sic! see below)
Are you ready? Are you ready? LET’S DO IT!
 
When I went out to kill myself, I caught A pack of hoodlums beating up a man.
Running to spare his suffering, I forgot My name, my number, how my day began, How soldiers milled around
the garden stone And sang amusing songs; how all that day Their javelins measured crowds; how I alone Bargained
the proper coins, and slipped away.
Banished from heaven, I found this victim beaten, Stripped, kneed, and left to cry. Dropping my rope Aside, I ran,
ignored the uniforms:
Then I remembered bread my flesh had eaten, The kiss that ate my flesh. Flayed without hope, I held the man for
nothing in my arms.
-James Wright, "St. Judas"
 
No hyperlinks today, I’m trying out writing my own stuff for a change.
 
Thus return I, the benevolent lamb of god. ENTRE THE PLAYERS:
 
Thus sat Maya et Emma upon my glorious entrance; unused to being more punctual than myself, they are unprepared
and swoon upon seeing me in mine glorious regale and sultry strut.
 
Maya…………………………………A. "Lil" Early
Emma……………………………Bee Wright-Bach (Webmistress)
 
I find myself a seat, and present myself to the table, who is startled to find itself being eaten upon at such a late hour:
Mahogany: "What ho, whereof does thou come hence at such a belated hour in the post meridian?"
 
And I: "Athwart thee, knave! I hast no patience for thine shenanigans!"
 
Thus silencing the flustered plywood, I present myself to you, the audience (that crash you hear being the fourth wall):
 
Me……………………………………Justin Time (<- lame) (Secretary)
 
Elena arrives, followed closely by our more reasonable comp-coordinator, bearing dead fish and bait hooks. Delicious.
 
Elena…………………………………Our fearless Heroine (Treasurer)
Ani…………………………………Our more reasonable co-co (Co-Competition Coordinator)
 
SILENCE DEMONS OF MY MIND! THERE IS NO TIME AT PRESENT TO FEED YOUR LACIVIOUS
DESIRES! I’LL GET YOU A BURGER AND A COKE LATER!
 
Speaking of sea creatures, imitation crab sucks. Which is why I didn’t get any.
 
AND YES BEN, IT DOES SUCK, AND YOU DON’T KNOW ANY BETTER.
 
Maya doesn’t like crabs, mostly because she doesn’t enjoy listening to them scream and thrash violently in pain as
they boil in their pots. I always thought they were trying to sing "Hot blooded/ check it and see// Got a fever of a hundred
and three/ C’MON BABY DO YA DO MORE THAN DANCE? I’M HOT BLOODED! HOT-"
for those of you who enjoy Foreigner, anyway.
 
Actually, I always thought crabs deserved their violent fates for being so bug-eyed creepy. At least that’s what this
FBI agent thought (courtesy News of the Weird v.12 ed.42 2003).
 
"After a guilty plea to a misdemeanor charge, FBI agent James Hanson III paid a one-hundred-and-five-dollar fine
and twelve thousand dollars in restitution to the Barbary Coast hotel in Las Vegas for a May incident in which he,
for some reason that he has yet to make public, fired two shots from his service weapon at a lobster in a walk-in
cooler. It was a late-night incident, with no one in the vicinity, but Hanson was captured on a surveillance tape.
Hanson was in Las Vegas for an accounting seminar."
 
Ani states for the record that she likes astronauts. And that she would like for you to leave her alone, please.
 
Suzanna arrives, followed by a frigid Helle.
 
Suzanna…………………………………U. Violet Ray (Historian)
Helle……………………………………Ofelia
 
Ani and Maya discuss one of Maya’s dreams. It apparently was bizarre. Around this time Chris comes in and ruins
everything by discussing econ. with Suzanna.
 
Chris…………………………………Very Boring. (President)
 
Ari, Allyson, and a large sundae carried by Thomas all arrive in a rush.
 
Ari………………………………………Le’ Petite Princess
Allyson…………………………………Lady Arcana (Competition Coordinator)
Thomas…………………………………Congratulations!
 
People discuss class, teachers, Mango trees and Coconuts. Dr. Strange blasts a nebula with an amorphous bolt of
Agimatto, and some where in there Ben arrived, because I think he was at the meeting, but I didn’t bother to write
him in.
 
Ben…………………………………Present, though not accounted for (Vice President)
 
We commence without knowledge of Brendan’s imminence. Chris takes this opportunity to inform you that the
shirts from last year are still on sale. At least, the shirts of people who are no longer with us, and for whom we no
longer wish to keep hold of, are still on sale. If you want one, you should let someone know.
 
On March 31 there will be a dance marathon for the Zetas. The club may teach some sort of dance. Details will
be forthcoming.
 
Brendan will now be arriving, make way, make way, flourish, sound trumpets, proclaim proclatures, etc., etc., fin.
 
Brendan………………………………Your Majesty!
 
He is, as usual, quite late. For shame.
 
Relay for life is April 13. If you’re interested, find an activity that does have a team. Because we do not, and will
not. Whoever thought it was a good idea to try and form one obviously is too concerned with the welfare of others.
 
Helle will be abroad all next year. Though I always thought she was more of a dame. Saskia, Chris, and Ari will be
gone second semester of next year. And I will be spending the entirety of the second semester crying into my beer
and blubbering about the boy that left me.
 
Sunday after the break we’ll be in the BARF. Until the world is silenced by the Machine. So welcome to the Machine.
 
THERE IS A PATTERN CONTEST FOR SHIRTS, SWEATS, AND PANTS FOR THE CLUB. START
SCRIBBLING, WE"LL BE VOTING SOME TIME AFTER WE GET BACK!
 
On a more serious note, Svetlana nights are becoming bogged down with basic stuff because people aren’t coming
prepared. Rather than waste the clubs money, please don’t come to practice unless you have already come at least
one other night of the weak. We’d rather not be paying to learn the basic. If you can’t come any other night, talk to
Chris; he is very good about working outside of club hours. It’s nothing personal, only Svetlana has been throwing new
stuff at us, and if we know the old stuff she’ll keep throwing new stuff at us,
 
WHICH IS GOOD.
 
Helle complains that Maya is trying to seduce her. I know what you mean, Helle, but actually Maya just looks like that
all the time. Trust me, I’ll mention that she’s looking at me seductive like, and she’ll just go "Huh? I was dreaming about
a puppy riding a unicorn across a rainbow!"
 
Some people leave for Ice Cream, and in their absence Brendan tries to adjourn the now empty room, which begs the
question: if Brendon adjourns the meeting when no one else is there, does the time space continuum fold in upon itself?
 
Or is that only if Brendan’s time clone warps into the room in a telephone booth and warns him of his impending doom?
Which begs the question: was the entirety of Bill and Teds’ Excellent Adventure a mushroom trip?
 
I start drawing pictures because everything else is boring, Helle starts cutting up her banana with a butter knife, and
location vs travel time is discussed for different places around campus. Maya shows up Helle by cutting up her apple
with a fork. And eating it with a spoon. She’s obviously just as bored at this point as I am. There are a number of that’s
what she saids, culminating with Brendan’s quote of the week:
 
"Ooo, sticky things."
 
Brendon adjourns.
 
BOTTOM LINE:
 
We have extra shirts, and are planning new one’s so submit ideas to Chris.
 
Zetas Dance-athon March 31. Relay 4 life April 13. KAC the Sunday after Spring Break. If you are coming to Svetlana,
be prepared.
Have a good one.
Meeting 3.21 "Orange peels, Pockey"
 
Sorry if I misspell your name. I do care about that. Let me know.
 
If you dig the hyperlinks, download the attached word file. If not, sucks to be you!
 
Are you ready? Are you ready? LET’S DO IT!
 
 
“A man can be destroyed but not defeated.”
                        -Ernst Hemingway
 
Greetings again motherf******s. I’m sorry, I meant
 
We begin tonight by forgetting that the last meeting before break actually occurred. It didn’t. You just dreamed it up.
You might want to go get your head checked. I’m not going to go on about it, because if I got inside there, I could
probably convince that I am actually your mother, and you been living amongst strangers the last few years. Whatever,
you already forgot about the meeting, let’s move on.
 
Thus spake the Lord of things unknown:
 
Helle………………………………Jesus that’s a long one
Ari………………………………...Almost…there
Chris……………………………...Above the law
Ben………………………………..But who’s counting?
Maya……………………………...Misty May
Saskia……………………………..Runs with squirrels
Emma……………………………...Cooler than cubes
Suzanna…………………………...Was here
Brendan…………………………...And then there was Gojira
Elena………………………………Like a fox
Andrew……………………………WHO’SA MASTER!?
 
SHO ’NUFF!
 
Ben whips out his Pockey for everyone. Thank you Ben. That was thoughtful.
 
Helle has been feeling ill. And her jaw hurts. Why…can’t…I… think…of…anything…appropriate…to…say?
 
Ari talks about Chris’s love for Dark Chocolate. Serious people, I’m not making this up. From now on, I’m just
gonna’ leave ellipses, and you can insert your own lame jokes.
 
Emma says something disgusting enough to turn me off Pockey for life. You should’a been there.
 
Chris decides this would be an appropriate time to start. Whatever.
 
B’niss
 
The Dance Marathon is now sponsored by us, as in our club, as KCBDC. As in, who’s going? I dunno’.
 
At this point my Brother calls me. I show blatant disregard for the entire room by caring through a five and one-half
minute long conversation. I make no apologies.
 
Helle and Elena then further hold up the room by talking over Chris and giggling at his failed attempts to control the
talkative room. (“Hey guys, stop, we have a lot to do, guuyyyys, stop, hey!, gimme’ back my lunch money, I’m
telling Mom!).
 
Chris is funny lookin’. Dunno why I put that in my notebook here, but it’s there, so I’m gonna’ write it. I’d put in the
Dragon doodles too, but I don’t have a scanner.
 
Brendon and Emma talk about the chocolate frosting on his dessert. Remember that part at the beginning where I said
you could insert your own jokes? Now’s the time.
 
Helle says she’s going to the Dance Marathon, because it’s for charity. What I want to know is, how exactly do they
collect money for it? Nobody seems to know.
 
Practices:
 Sun: New Svetlana (you missed it already)
 Mon: Int’l Foxtrot/Tango (these went to Chris Sunday night, so you missed this too).
 Tues: Samba
 
Suzanna wins the T-shirt design I guess, since no one else submitted anything.
 
Darren Arrives.
 
Darren……………………………………YO’ ADRIANNE!
 
Ben wants to do the sleepover the 7th of April. Will anybody go? Does anybody care?
 
Nobody knows how much snoball cost. Nobody cares.
 
PLEASE be on time for Svetlana.
 
Maya reconstructs her orange peel. Whatever, Brendan adjourns.
 
Bottom line:
THE COMP DEADLINE IS APRIL 4th, MAKE UP YOUR MIND! That’s about it.
Minutes 3/29 - Catfish, Poisonous Spiders
 
Note: you might be getting a blind carbon, I can just barely get all the emails using all
three sending options.
 
Sorry if I misspell your name. I do care about that. Let me know.
 
Are you ready? Are you ready? LET’S DO IT!
 
"In case you missed last meeting, let me recount what happened. Wait, that’ll take
too long. Let me sum up.
 
Brendon called Chris an autocratic swine. He threw a cherry bomb in a glass jar
across the room, which bounced once and exploded. A projected shard put out one
of my eyes, but miraculously left all other members untouched. I guess they had the
presence of mind to duck. Whipping out a bandana, I rolled it into a makeshift eye
patch, slung out my ghat, and riddled Brendan with vengeance, lead, and profanity.
Emma, crestfallen at the murder of her compasario, pulled out two uzis and lit up the
room. Ari and Chris were cut down in each other’s arms, and Ben was shot seventeen
times before he got wise and played dead.
 
Helle used Suzanna as a human shield, and by sacrificing her protection, the wiley
Estonian managed to dispatch the crazed Emma with an axe while commenting on how
hip it is to be square. Horrified, Elena snatched up her AK and resolved to carry on
Brendon’s war for the proletariat. She unloaded across the room, cutting down Helle, a
weeping Saskia (who falling cries "But WHY?!"), myself in all my fury, and even Maya
who was using my body as a shield. Maya went done fighting, though; she pulled out her
combat knife, and avenged her fallen beaux with a perfect throw from five yards.
 
Ben, somehow still breathing, managed to walk out and tell the whole story.
 
Serious, I heard it from him myself. Sounded wild. And I was, like, a total badass, too."
 
-Andrew Saygers, Oral History of Ballroom
 
Anyway, it was wild, you shoulda’ been there.
 
Allison……………………………………I’m a little teacup
Thomas…………………………………...Pimpin’ Iron Chef
Darren……………………………………Will find you
Saskia…………………………………….Tall and Blonde
Maya……………………………………...Gots’ street cred
Elena……………………………………...River-boat gambler
Emma……………………………………..Likes kittens
Suzanna…………………………………..Doesn’t need you
Ben………………………………………..Jumped the shark
Brendan…………………………………...Choo-Choo
Oh, and me………………………………..Mr. Pink
 
After a momentary lapse in judgment, which you could also call "Japanese Steak Salad,"
I decided not to trust my own choices and stop eating. Instead, I draw kittens. Lugubrious,
maudlin kittens. The kind you find in trashcans. I make no apologies. Why do I draw them,
you ask? Why do I hate them so?
 
I was forced into my relationship with the Steak salad because the only other thing at the
buffet line was "Catfish fingers." I think that Catfish fingers raise some serious moral dilemmas.
Like, do Catfish have fingers? And if so, wouldn’t they be bony? And does anyone want
catfish from a cafeteria? How do I know it is catfish, and not scrod or carp? Wouldn’t I rather
have chicken fingers? Yes. Yes I would.
 
If you’re wondering why none of this has anything to do with the meeting, I’m here to remind
you that Chris wasn’t there yet, and since he makes all the decisions, all we could do up until
he arrived was speculate. And since speculation is both boring and irritating to me, I just wrote
about the fancy fish sticks they had for dinner.
 
You know what else irritates me? Small cars. Like those smart cars they have in Japan, which
could get mowed down by a golf cart. Why not just invent hover cars, Japan? Or would you
rather waste time and money trying to steal Pandas from China?
 
Crickets irritate me too. They have nothing important to say, they just chirp.
 
You’re supposed to be able to calculate the temperature by the frequency of their chirps, but
now that we have thermometers, the damn insects are entirely useless. I declare war upon
crickets. The next one I see is gonna have it from me.
 
This reminds me that later on Thursday, I killed a huge Brown Recluse spider.
 
In my friend John’s room. With a rubber mallet. It had a two-inch leg span.
 
Thing was huge. Be careful folks. It’s arachnophobia all over again.
 
Chris finally shows up and stops wasting my time that could be better spent actually doing,
well, anything.
 
Chris.......................................................Is late, pudgy
 
People start talking about the fruit in the smoothies at dinner. Chris is in favor of mangos.
Brendan, who can never like anything that Chris likes (I cite bunt-cake, various icings on
cakes), is not a fan of Mangos. Who’s surprised?
 
Anyone?
 
Chris decides that we need to have elections soon. The Email went out folks.
 
We’re voting the 15th, so nominate now!
 
Maya and Suzanna start digging M&M’s out of their cookies with spoons.
 
Remember competitions are coming up. Money is due at Practice this Wednesday.
 
Bring your check book.
 
Brendan adjourns. I don’t feel like being clever, I had absolutely nothing to work with this
week. Seriously, if these meetings don’t stop sucking, I’m going to just not come and make
up everything from now on. Honestly, I don’t even proof read these minutes anymore. I just
send them, then cry myself to sleep. I hope you’re all happy.
 
Here’s your parting shot. It’s safe for work and adorable. I'll give you a teaser: What's cuter
than Pandas?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epUk3T2Kfno

 


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