Kenyon College Ballroom Dance Club: Minutes for Spring 2006

1/24/06
2/7/06
2/14/06
2/21/06
2/28/06
3/21/06
4/4/06
4/11/16
4/18/06
4/25/06
5/2/06
“Thar she blows!”
Minutes for 1/24/6

In attendance:
Marta Evans
Ben Wright-Heuman
Valerie Schmidt
Brendan Cox
Becca Helton
Emma Wampler
Peter Catlin
Jeff Force
Vanessa Gusick
Later: Autumn Shoaf
Scott Brown

Prior to the start of the meeting, Vanessa, thinking herself some sort of rebel,
is found to be doing homework! Ms. Gusick feigns innocence, but fails to fool
this shrewd secretary. I gently (but firmly) chastise her for her error,
reminding her that a meeting is no place to get work done.

Unrelated to the subject of chastising Vanessa (I promise), we begin a
discussion of slamming peoples’ hands in car doors. Specifically, we wonder
what problems this action could solve. Jeff suggests that it might solve a
praying mantis-related problem. The rest of the meeting attendees are mildly
confused with this claim, but are impressed with Jeff’s gusto/pip/zest. We
place Jeff in charge of solving all praying mantis-related problems.

The meeting begins! Becca’s e-mail request for some of the older minuets was
answered by loyal, former-Treasurer Kimberly Zito. Luckily for us, she
apparently has an impressive backlog of old minutes. For those who don’t know,
Kimberly is currently the vice president of the University of Akron ballroom
dance club.

Speaking of other colleges, Case Western is having some sort of swing thing with
Karen Singerman has alerted us to. Most unfortunately, it has been canceled
since the meeting. We can only hope they hold other events, rhyming or
otherwise, in the future. Marta takes this opportunity to totally slam OSU. I
mean, wow. I can’t even repeat what she said, for fear of inciting the wrath of
Buckeye fans the world over. Major burnage to the tenth degree. Seriously.

Next up, our webmail2 e-mail system is sketchy. Imagine a man of about middle
age, with slightly grayed, neatly combed hair. He’s wearing a sweater-vest,
smoking a pipe, and dispensing homespun wisdom in a manner not unbecoming of
the father from “Leave it to Beaver” or “My Three Sons.” Now picture a
twenty-to-thirty-something old guy with an unkempt beard and stringy hair. This
fellow is wearing a faded t-shirt and sweat pants, both of which are several
sizes too small. The shirt also sports some flecks of blood, while the pants
are stained in vomit (or vice versa, it’s hard to tell). He spreads his legs
slightly, as he offers you some pretzels from his pocket in exchange for
sitting on his lap. This is our e-mail system. It deletes stuff and its various
folders don’t get used. We should probably do something about this, although
there are no immediate solutions proposed.

We decide to make one person in charge of each ballroom practice. This way, when
stuff goes wrong, we’ll be more easily able to assign blame to someone. Brendan
(myself) gets Sundays, Mondays goes to Marta, Valerie is placed in charge of
Tuesdays, and Wednesdays will be subject to the rule of Ben.

It’s time for dues again! To review, it’s $10 to officially join the club, and
$15 if you’re hoping to compete. Please direct all of your moneys to Autumn, as
she is the designated thumb-breaker this semester. No doubt in anticipation of
the coming thumb-breaking, Autumn leaves to get dinner. We take a brief break
to discuss what Autumn should get. This debate ends up lasting for some time,
long after Autumn has left the room. We’re just filled with dietary advice.

Time to talk competitions. Valerie springs in to action, listings dozens (if not
hundreds) of competitions and why we can’t go to them. University of Michigan
has already been explained, University of Pittsburgh and Harvard both occur
during spring break. She rattles on and on, listing colleges we’ve never been
to in countries we’ve never heard of. Since it’s not that important (and I
can’t write that fast), I’ll just skip to the three competitions that still
have potential. Ohio State in April is sure thing. The remaining competition is
going to be either Boston University (twelve hours away, February 11th), or
Notre Dame (week before OSU). (Since the meeting, ND has begun to look like the
winner.) Whatever is ultimately decided, we have plenty of interested people and
plenty of drivers. Our competition future is looking bright. You hear that,
Michigan? We never needed you!

Our lovely Scrapbook is still lost, and it looks as though it probably won’t be
coming back. Barring some miracle, it may be time to initiate operation:
reconstruct the scrapbook. The good news is that we have two capable historians
to oversee the task, and Valerie has every ballroom picture saved on her
computer since her freshman year. And perhaps we’ll be able to recover even
more pictures with some well-placed connections. The loss may not be as
devastating as it could have been.

It is noted that Wales is different from whales. One of these differences is
that it is quite okay to drive within Wales, but rather difficult to drive
inside a whale (and unpleasant for the whale). A second difference is that
there have been two instances in recorded history of whales exploding (in
Taiwan and in ), while Wales (to the best of anyone’s knowledge) has yet to
explode. This elicits a bad joke, from which this edition of the minutes takes
its name. I’ll attribute it to Marta, just because I can.

We realize we’ve been adjourned for some time now. Moving on from the topics of
whales, Marta discusses her idea for a dress made of a whale’s baleen. For
those who don’t know, here’s Wikipedia’s explanation of the baleen:
“A whale's baleen plates play the most important role in its filter feeding
process. In order to feed, a baleen whale opens its mouth widely and scoops in
large volumes of water, which inevitably contains large quantities of the
microorganisms it feed on. It then shuts its mouth and presses its tongue
against its hard upper jaw, forcing the water to pass through the baleen, where
the microorganisms are sieved out. The water is then released, and the
microorganisms swallowed.”
Marta anticipates being quite popular at Phling with this dress, particularly if
her baleen dress has pieces of krill in it. This leads quite naturally to the
quote out of context of the week (or in this case, the quote in context): “I am
the hors d'oeuvres.”

Not to be outdone, Valerie reveals herself to be an expert at body shots. I
close with some more excellent dietary advice from the Kenyon College Ballroom
Dance Club: krill + body shots = successful party!


“What drum set?”
Minutes for 2/7/6

In attendance:
Marta Evans
Ben Wright-Heuman
Valerie Schmidt
Brendan Cox
Becca Helton
Arianna Herman
Emma Wampler
Scott Brown
Peter Catlin
Jeff Force
Later: Chris Blaine
Autumn Shoaf
Helle Slutz

It seems today is a time of tribulation for all. Scott’s garlic thingie is
proving more challenging than anticipated, your secretary recently cut himself
shaving, and Ben is miffed at the idea of super foods (or perhaps the fact that
they don’t actually turn into a superhero). AVI is also teasing the students
with their current spice rack. You see, they’ve ordered a new one that we’ll
actually be able to use. At the moment, however, the spices are only available
for display. Cruelty in the highest degree. Marta is deeply sympathetic.

“That’s horrible; let’s submit our photos to yearbook.” And so the meeting
begins. We have a whole page of the yearbook to ourselves, so we have plenty of
potential picture space. Being extremely narcissistic, we’re happy to learn
this. Speaking of our narcissism, the scrapbook reconstruction process begins
shortly after this meeting. So, by the time you read these minutes, the process
has already begun. If you were hoping to stop it, you’re already too late!

The Supplemental Budget people have been e-mailed. Hopefully we’ll figure out
the supplemental stuff soon.

Svetlana! According to her, a good time for us to come by the studio would be
Thursdays at 7:30(pm) for a group Latin lesson. The cost would be $13 a person.
This would be a good time for us, as we don’t have practices on Thursdays.
However, we’d lose Scott and Marta, which would make us all very sad. And five
nights of ballroom a week is a lot. Perhaps we could go to Svetlana’s studio on
a current practice day. Hm… Well, Ben will find out what times works best for
people. We’ll go from there.

We recently received an advertisement from a company that makes t-shirts clubs.
Potentially, they could make t-shirts for our club. Marta speaks for all of us
when mentions how sick she is of all those stuck-up teams from other schools
strutting around in their custom jackets. We’ll show ‘em! We’ll reprint our top
ten innuendo t-shirt and strut around in that. Our strutting will strike fear
(or mild confusion) into the hearts of all. Assuming, of course, that we
correct the typo the previous shirt contained. (They used a comma in place of
an apostrophe. Shameful.)

At this point:
Ben: “Did anyone notice that drum set in the corner?”
Marta: “What drum set?”

Ignoring the delusional Ben, we move on to the topic of clubbing. Marta has done
some research, and found a potential salsa destination for us called Club 7. On
Thursdays, you must be over eighteen to get in (which shouldn’t be a problem
for any of our members), there’s a free salsa lesson from 10 to 11 (before the
sketchy people arrive), and ladies are free until 11. We assume they mean
admission is free. They’re probably not giving away free women. Coincidentally,
on Saturday, men need to be twenty-one to get in, while women need only be
eighteen. Very curious. If we want to go on Saturday, we’ll have to remember
that.

After search for Swing Clubs in Columbus, Marta came away with the knowledge
that it probably would have been a good idea to add “dance” to the search bar.
Apparently, there are quite a lot of not-ballroom-related swinging going on in
Columbus. Since most of our members are (probably) not interested in this type
of swinging, a swing club expedition seems unlikely.

Ben informs us he will look into “stuff.” When asked what stuff he’s planning to
look into, he confesses he does not know. Another drum set, perhaps? We can only
guess. Valerie asks if we have a date for this expedition. Helle informs Valerie
that she’ll be her date. While this is very hot, it does not change the fact
that more planning is needed before we can do the club thing. And by
“planning,” I mean “planning, drivers and money.” Let’s see how many of these
we’ll be able to pull together.

Becca reveals that a site update is imminent! Huzzah! And on that note, we
adjourn. Oh, and pay Autumn your dues.

Because we’re intellectual college studios, we begin discussing Galileo. It is
observed that being confined to your Tuscan Villa is not such a horrible fate.
The inquisition could have done better. At the mention of the inquisition, Ben,
very predictably, declares that “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!” We
savor the irony of how very expected the Spanish Inquisition was. Mm… Irony…

Scott regales us with the story of the flaming couch that was launched out of a
Mather window his sophomore year. The riot-proof hallways couldn’t do much to
prevent that!

“The Soft Ball Stage”
Minutes for 2/14/6

In attendance:
Marta Evans
Ben Wright-Heuman
Valerie Schmidt
Brendan Cox
Becca Helton
Emma Wampler
Peter Catlin
Allyson Whipple
Later: Autumn Shoaf
Scott Brown
Arianna Herman
Chris Blaine
Helle Slutz

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! Love and chocolate fill the air. Chocolate is
so incredibly prevalent it’s as if the founder of Hershey’s and the Cocoa Puffs
bird had a child, who started his/her own chocolate factory, which then
exploded.

The presence of chocolate sparks a discussion of England’s supposedly bad food.
Allyson, non-trekkie that she is, disapproves of shepherd’s pie. Pie, she
reasons, should not be composed of potatoes and meat. She is even more
disapproving upon learning that shepherd’s pie is not actually a pie at all.

Allyson’s Valentine’s Day is not quick to improve, as she is soon informed by
Ben that her boyfriend, who is away in Honduras, has shaved his beard off.
Outraged that her boyfriend would make such a monumental decision without
informing her, she begins plotting revenge. Marta suggests she take a bunch of
hormones and become a bearded woman. Allyson likes the idea, but fears she may
have messed with her hormones too much already, to which Marta replies, “No,
your hormones like it.” It is pointed out to Allyson that, at one point, she
had refused to date anyone with a beard. Unmoved, Allyson declares this the
worst Valentine’s Day ever.

On that note, we launch into a discussion of our problems with the supplemental
budget. Namely, we can’t find the forms on the P drive. However, they sent out
an e-mail mentioning that they’ve had some hearings, so something must be
happening. We’ve determined that a round trip to Svetlana’s studio will cost
about $20-30, which certainly isn’t extravagant. Perhaps we could simply split
the cost. Still, we continue to hope they’ll allow us to apply.

We now take a break to further discuss chocolate. Ben confesses he has had no
chocolate today, causing the rest of the room to look away, embarrassed and
ashamed. Valerie criticizes one of Peirce’s chocolate pastries as having not
“gotten to the soft ball stage.” After the ensuing laughter, Marta admits to
having the mind of a twelve-year-old boy. Allyson burps, probably in mourning
for Jon’s beard.

It turns out some of our budget woes from last year are the result of University
of Connecticut cashing the check we sent them (which we had later told them to
destroy). They’ve been alerted to the mistake and are going to send us a check
to cover the money. Big debacle. Ends well. Yay.

The weekend of our sleepover is forever in doubt. February 25th is Fandango
weekend, which, for those of you who are unaware, centers around students
drinking with their professors. As opposed to drinking with other students. So,
our next possible date would be Saturday, March 25th. But there’s a Chamber
Singers’ concert that weekend. Well, how about Friday? Awesome. March 24th is
the new tentative date for the sleepover. Let’s hope this one holds. Allyson is
secretary of the Hillel board, so she may be able to help us reserve the room
for our nefarious plans. To review, these plans involve food, movies, games
(DDR?), and maybe something else. You’re instructed to begin looking forward to
it.

Svetlana can’t make it to the next two Sundays’ practices! Luckily, Marta’s
arranged to have us come to the Wednesday practices after the Sundays she will
be missing. Henceforth, you can look forward to Svetlana practices on the
Wednesdays of February 22nd and March 1st. Unsurprisingly, Svetlana is quite
flexible.

The meeting is now pretty much over. The spirit of Valentine’s Day in our
hearts, we begin to discuss “your mom” jokes. This develops quite naturally
into a discussion of politics. The topic moves on to sex, as could have been
expected. Specifically, the polite, English manner of having sex is discussed.
More accurately, it is mocked. We’re in a really Anglophobic mood this meeting.

Scott is about to contribute something insightful, but doesn’t remember what he
was going to say. Or perhaps he did say something insightful, but I just can’t
remember what it was. My notes are admittedly vague here. Boy, howdy, this is
an awkward ending to the minutes.


“Scandalous!”
Minutes for 2/21/6

In attendance:
Marta Evans
Ben Wright-Heuman
Valerie Schmidt
Brendan Cox
Becca Helton
Emma Wampler
Peter Catlin
Vanessa Gusick
Scott Brown
Allyson Whipple
Later: Chris Blaine
Autumn Shoaf
Helle Slutz

The Pub ran out of pesto pizza. Undaunted, we continue with our scheduled
meeting.

To start off on an appropriately sacrilegious foot, we sketch out plans for a
re-write of the Bible. Specifically, we want to find away around all those
really impractical, antiquated rules, such as those banning the use of
synthetic fabrics. Our solution, partially borrowed from a Homer Simpson quote,
is to replace certain passage of the Bible with “Screw that.” Appropriately
pleased with our religious tact, we move on to actual ballroom business.

The business deals with the supplemental budget, and the issues Marta has with
it. We lack copies of the spring 2006 budget request forms, so Marta will be
forced to re-write the explanation of why we are asking for their money. Six
trips to and from Svetlana’s studio should be less than $200, so we won’t be
asking for an insane amount of money. The confusion stemmed from their labeling
system. Essentially, they assumed people would simply use the supplemental
budget form from last semester, which still bore the label “Fall 05
Supplemental Budget Request Form.” If anyone would like to hear Marta’s opinion
of this policy, feel free to ask her.

The tentative date of the sleepover has actually lasted the week! It’s March
24th, in case you’ve forgotten.

Speaking of dates, the salsa expedition (or SalEx) is tentatively dated for some
time in April. Ben wonders if it might be possible to use some of the money we
will (theoretically) have for Svetlana trips to fund the SalEx. Marta, playing
Goliath to Ben’s Davey, informs we could do that, but it would be wrong.
Refusing to be morally pigeonholed, Ben next requests that we try to go to the
club on the night of the free women, as free women fall just within his price
range. Greatly offended, Allyson demands that Ben begin respecting women by
paying for them. It remains to be seen whether her appeal had any impact.

Elections! Yes, they’ve returned early this semester. They may even be as early
as the week we return from spring break. Part of the reason for this early
election is that we want the new officers to get some supervised practice,
prior to taking the reigns of leadership. To this end, Valerie wishes the new
comp coordinator to coordinate our final competition. Since our final
competition will be OSU, on April 8th, we need to get officers elected as soon
as possible.

There is some kind of event in Gund Commons on April 2nd that will run from 7 to
9. Since it is probably not a surprise birthday party for me (although it should
be), it is of no use to us and conflicts with Svetlana practice. So, we’ll have
to move Svetlana around. Perhaps starting later, or asking her to come during
the week. It has been observed that she is flexible.

Speaking of Svetlana, she has expressed an interest in having a practice devoted
to make-up and hair. Specifically, she would like the females of the club to
learn how to present themselves for competitions. We all agree this is a very
adorable (and very girly) idea. It’s currently scheduled for this Wednesday.
The question of what the guys are supposed to do during this time is raised. My
own idea is for the guys to build a male-only fort out of the couches and use it
as a vantage point from which to spy on the girls. Valerie and Allyson are in
favor of cross-dressing (both at this practice and in general). More
realistically, Svetlana will probably want to say something about the guys too,
which will probably not feature forts or cross-dressing.

Possible new club member! Yes, shocking as it may seem, we have a new person at
our practices. This creates a bit of a weird dynamic, as there is one person
who wishes to be taught, while everyone else just wants to dance around all
fancy-free and hippie-like. On the other hand, it gives people a good
opportunity to practice teaching. So, yeah. Everyone start teaching.

Marta tells us there is a person from Apple Valley “threatening” to come to our
practices. Backing up, she adds that he’s “not that old.” Remind me to avoid
letting Marta introduce me. Ouch.

The website has been updated with the minutes from spring… 2004. But it’s a
definite step in the right direction!

The tale of our scrapbook loss is retold. Vanessa wonders if it would be
possible to keep the Scrapbook in the storage closet in the future, to prevent
this from reoccurring. While a good idea in theory, our club only has one key
to the storage closet, which you must mortgage your soul for. Typically, the
president has the key (under, a-hem, ideal circumstances), so that would mean
the historian wouldn’t have access to the scrapbook at all times. That would be
less than ideal.

Peter and Allyson now depart. As soon as they leave, we immediately begin
complaining about them and how overpriced they are. I mean, $86! That’s
outrageous! Oh, wait. We may have actually been talking about yearbooks.

The yearbook complaints soon lead to high school yearbook nostalgia. Invariably,
this leads to prom nostalgia, and a little bit of prom gossip. Did you know that
Valerie and her twin sister went to prom as a couple? Scandalous! Not only that,
but Helle and her twin sister are also lesbians, which they confessed to in the
parking lot of a Steak’n Shake. Other high school scandals are revisited, but
my Catholic high school ends up beating them all. A few years before I went
there, a film crew gained permission from the administration to shoot their
porn film on my campus. In defense of my school’s administration: they probably
didn’t know the film was pornographic in nature. True story.

Sufficiently scandalized, we adjourn.


“Dancing lemmings and jump rope”
Minutes for 2/28/6

In attendance:
Marta Evans
Ben Wright-Heuman
Valerie Schmidt
Brendan Cox
Becca Helton
Arianna Herman
Emma Wampler
Peter Catlin
Chris Blaine
Scott Brown
Helle Slutz
Allyson Whipple
Later: Autumn Shoaf

As it turns out, many in our club are weary of technology. More specifically,
we’re weary of vibrating cell phones. Allyson complains that her cell phone
“sounds like a dying animal when it vibrates.” Becca next relates to us the
terrifying tale of her first encounter with a cell phone. Clearly, the pace of
technology comes at the cost of human dignity.

Ben proceeds to upset Allyson by informing her that he would not have sex with
her mother’s cooking. Actually, he may have said that he would have sex with
her mother’s cooking. Or perhaps Allyson was simply upset by the fact that Ben
was talking to her. Ben can be rather upsetting.

Speaking of the upsetting nature of Ben, the meeting begins with news that the
videos Ben took of us should be ready by the first practice after break. And
the videos he took of us dancing should be ready too.

The time has come to unveil our yearbook plan! The first (and last) step in this
plan is to submit photos to the yearbook. Arianna and Emma are totally up to
this task. Group photos would probably work best. Ben is then hit by Allyson
for unknown reasons.

After months and years of struggle, our supplemental budget hearing has been
scheduled! We’ll know the results of it after break.

The sleepover is STILL scheduled for March 24th. We should talk to Jesse about
reserving Hillel. Marta conspires to get her mother to play DDR. I can only
hope that including this in the minutes will not hinder the execution of her
plan.

We have comps coming up! And not the un-fun kind that our senior brethren must
face. Valerie instructs us: “Saddle up, my dancing lemmings.” Helle declares
this the best sentence in the English language. Peter would likely agree with
her, if he was not having trouble breathing. We do not make breathing easier
for him, and instead decide to repeat the phrase “saddle up, my dancing
lemmings” over and over again. Because we’re nice people. Oh, we had
competitions coming up, didn’t we? Yes, we did. One’s Notre Dame and the
other’s OSU (where there is to be no killing, Marta reminds Allyson). Please
let Valerie know by the end of the week whether or not you will be going.

Marta: “The tiny little Russian is going to make you get pretty.”

Yes, Svetlana will indeed be tarting us up at a future practice. We go over some
of the things that need to be brought to this practice. [However, Svetlana sadly
had to cancel this practice at the last minute, so the tarting up will have to
take place after break.] Allyson throws something at Ben, making Marta remark
that, “For someone who doesn’t want children, you sure do act like one.”
Dissed! A “no throwing” policy is implemented for the remainder of the meeting.

Hey, does anyone want to make money dancing? That sounded pretty bad, didn’t it?
Well, maybe this opportunity won’t. The fine folks at Apple Valley are looking
for some teachers to take over for Marta and Scott next year. Ideally, they’d
like a male and a female. Lessons are at 7pm on Thursdays, and if you don’t
have any means of transportations, the nice AV people would be willing to come
pick you up. They’re easy to teach and, as Marta continues to remind us, not
that old. Talk to Marta or Scott if you’re interested.

Look deep within your soul and ask yourself, “Am I paid up?” If you find that
the answer is “no,” or “I’m not sure,” talk to Autumn. Remember those
competitions I mentioned earlier? Well, they’re $25 a pop. And for the record,
sexual favors are not a suitable substitution, but they are appreciated.

On the first “actual” Monday after break, we’re having an election! It’s time to
start thinking about who would be best for what position. For example, Valerie’s
mother was good in several positions last night. Yes, I went there. But
seriously, don’t nominate everyone for every position. That just makes
everything take longer.

Lastly, Becca wants more ballroom pictures to add to the website. We’re still
missing several from last year. We take a minute to figure out who has what,
and plan to get the appropriate photos to Becca in the near future.

Thusly, the meeting adjourned.

Scott, who is no stranger to the dropping of eaves, recently overheard a most
enigmatic phrase. A girl turned to her friend and said, in complete sincerity,
“Sometimes, when no one’s looking, I jump rope.” We contemplate the different
possible intended meanings and the various circumstances under which someone
could earnestly say that phrase. I leave you with this thought: We all must
jump our own metaphorical ropes, when no one’s looking. Please internalize this
deep wisdom.


“Tusks, vampires, and chupacabra”
Minutes for 3/21/6

In attendance:
Marta Evans
Ben Wright-Heuman
Valerie Schmidt
Autumn Shoaf
Brendan Cox
Becca Helton
Arianna Herman
Emma Wampler
Chris Blaine
Peter Catlin
Later: Scott Brown

Our gathering begins on a bit of a downer, as Marta reveals her pizza to be
totally flaccid. Unwilling to let this obstacle get in the way of her pizza
relationship, she resolves to work through this problem. Fortunately, this was
the low point of the meeting.

This is followed by an awesome series of transitions, beginning with a
discussion of teeth and their weaknesses when their owners are in their late
teens to early twenties. From here, we move on to the topic of tusks, and how
cool it would be to have them. It is observed that they would have to be
retractable in some way, like a snake’s fangs. This naturally led to a
discussion of vampires. (Valerie suggests choosing friends who do not think
themselves vampires, should you wish to appear semi-normal.) Marta then brings
up the X-Files, and transitions from vampires to other blood sucking creatures.
Specifically, the chupacabra is discussed. And speaking of goat-suckers, where’s
Ben? He’s late! Theories are offered.

Jeff: “He shot someone!”
Later…
Ben: “Sorry I’m late. I was shooting ‘a movie.’” [Quotations around ‘a movie’
added by secretary.]

Hmm…

The meeting begins! The elections will be held on Monday. That’s less then a
week from now! We need to start preparing for it quickly. It would help if we
had that very informative e-mail describing all the positions that Valerie had
written. The descriptions remain entirely accurate. Where did we leave that?
Well, we’ll find it and send it out. Then elections will be held. Then we make
party!

Ben’s fiendish plan to travel to Svetlana studio and gather information about
“ballroom dancing” is nearing completion. To this end, he wishes to reserve
some college vehicles. Needing an account number to do this, he checked on our
account, hoping to find some evidence of having received our supplemental
budget. Upon reporting this number, there is some confusion as to what the
number implies. It seems to Marta that it is the amount of money we had prior
to applying for supplemental budgetry. So, do we have the money or not? And if
we don’t, do we have enough extra money to cover a trip to the studio? We
meditate on this quandary.

Speaking of budget problems, the budget hearings for next semester are being
held on the same day as the OSU competition. Most, if not all, of our officers
will be gone that day. That’s mildly problematic. Marta e-mailed the budget
folk in order to figure out some way around this.

Svetlana is coming this Wednesday to finally do the make-up thing. Huzzah! The
excitement of the coming Svetlana prettification sets off a wave of Svetlana
impersonations. In my unbiased opinion, Marta’s is the best.

Our quandary meditation is over. We decide to play financial roulette and
continue with the trip on Thursday as planned. We’ll hope we get the
supplemental budget we asked for and everything will be fine. In either case,
we’ll deal with the money afterwards.

The annual ballroom sleepover (aka: the Spring Social) is this Friday! The nice
people at Hillel have agreed to give us their room from 9pm to noon the next
day (which is Saturday, for those who aren’t paying attention). Peter
volunteers to provide the DDR. Marta promises to show us how bad she is [at
DDR]. We also need some food. Because we’re college students and we’re always
hungry. This will require some shopping. However, we’re college students and
never have time to shop. Well, we’ll just have to find some time on Thursday or
Friday. Perhaps after the trip to Svetlana’s studio. We’ll squeeze it in there
somewhere.

Speaking of shopping, money would help with that. Did you know your comp fees
cover our food budget in addition to our comp fees? Thus, paying your comp fees
will help us feed you. It’s win-win! Otherwise, we’ll have to rely on UConn
giving us a check to replace the one they mistakenly cashed. And, as Valerie
notes, getting our money back is like pulling a tooth from a squirming child
that can’t be sedated.

And speaking of pulling teeth from squirming children, Scott arrives just as
Peter is leaving. I’ll let you figure out which of these two is the tooth and
which is the squirming child that cannot be sedated.

Arianna, ever the dedicated co-historian, has put a bunch of ballroom pictures
of the P drive. Go check them out. And Becca, ever the resourceful webmaster,
confirms that she has received several new pictures which she shall soon add to
the growing website. And myself, ever the… secretary, need to update the
dislist. I’ll get around to that at some point.

The meeting winds down. Ben re-tells a boring story while I pretend to write it
into the minutes. [Scott: The book you were asking about is House of Leaves by
Mark Z. Danielewski.] Marta (aka: Squishy McSquish Squish, don’t ask) informs
us that we’re adjourned.
“Tool-feeling”
Minutes for 4/4/6

In attendance:
Marta Evans
Chris Blaine
Ben Wright-Heuman
Valerie Schmidt
Allison Goldsmith
Brendan Cox
Helle Slutz
Becca Helton
Emma Wampler
Arianna Herman
Peter Catlin
Vanessa Gusick
Later: Autumn Shoaf

Every winter, the Arctic Tern travels over 14,000 miles from eastern Britain to
Melbourne, Australia.

Every Tuesday, ballroom members travel up to ten minutes to Lower Dempsey for
our weekly meeting.

Coincidence?

Yes.

The trustee’s dinner drama continues to unfold. Actually, it’s not so much
continuing to unfold, as merely continuing. Regardless of its questionable
folding status, we now know more stuff about it. Once again, it’s being held at
the KAC at 9pm on Friday the 21st. Apparently, it’s going to take place in the
multipurpose room and the ice rink (!?). Marta called the woman in charge of
the dinner and discovered that they’re willing to offer us an honorarium in
exchange for our services. Marta wasn’t sure exactly what that was. According
to the online OED, it’s a “fee paid to a professional for services rendered.”
In other words, money! And they called us professional indirectly! We are
suddenly filled with an increased desire to attend the trustee’s dinner.

Speaking of money, we sometimes find it to be useful. This is a good thing,
because we have some extra money from our canceled UConn competition that we
need to put to use. It’s $500 and it doesn’t look good to the BFC if we don’t
use all the money we were given. Some ideas are put forward: we could pay for
some more Svetlana lessons, or we could pay back people who paid for hotel
rooms at Star Ball. Exciting prospects! But we must move on to the next topic,
which also concerns money, strangely enough.

The budget hearing is Thursday the 6th at 10:15pm. Today after practice, Marta,
Chris and I will meet to go over the budget form. The question of whether or
not to bother asking for money for the Cornell competition is brought up.

Usually, first semester we ask for money for Purdue, Ohio Star Ball, and
Cornell, but for two years in a row now Cornell’s competition has been on the
same day as Purdue’s, and we’ve always opted to attend Purdue. However, there’s
no way to know whether or not this trend will continue. Three competitions would
give people more chances to compete, but it also seems like a bit much. It’s up
to the non-Senior club members to decide, since we’ll be the ones calling the
shots next year.

Having brought the topic up, Valerie and Marta take a brief intermission to
advise us non-seniors on how to handle competitions next year. For example,
people should be prepared for the idea that housing can go badly, and we may
need to resort to back-ups, or even back-back-ups. Also, we may need to get
freshmen registered to drive next year in order to satisfy the “two registered
drivers per vehicle” rule. And off the record, Valerie advises us that the
spirit of the rules is more important than the letter of the rules. Cough,
cough. Strictly off the record, of course.

Talk of next year’s newbies inspires nostalgia in our older members. First
competitions are remembered, as are the fear and awkwardness that went with
them. Valerie recalls how amazed she was when our newbies this year actually
approached us about competitions. No guns needed to be held to anyone’s head!
Only kidding, of course. We don’t use guns. Peter: “We use chloroform.”

Oh, yes. Student Visit Day is still coming up. It’s from 3-5 in Gund Commons on
the 18th of April. Apparently they would “love” to have us dance. Yeah, we bet.
The problem is that we hate feeling like tools. Despite our aversion to
tool-feeling, we’re going to look into using the Gund sound system anyway.

More nostalgia! First practices are remembered. Trivia: Did you know Valerie
started coming to practices before Marta? Fascinating! Some brief advice is
tossed out about managing the next year’s dislist. At some point during this
conversation, Vanessa says “asses.” I can’t recall the context in which she
said it, so I leave you to imagine your own. It’s funnier that way anyway.

Returning to the topic of the budget, Marta suggests that I handle the talking
element of the hearing, as I’ve been around the budget block before. Marta,
Chris, and maybe Ben will handle the decorative element. And we’ll all feel
like tools together. That’s what being in a club together is all about.

Ben reports that there are no new developments with the van situation for
Thursday’s Svetlana expedition. Allison informs us that she should be e-mailing
us with our transportation situation for OSU tomorrow (Wednesday). Vehicles are
cool stuff.

Wearing clothes is also pretty cool, and often useful when trying to blend in
with polite society. Chris, always a nice guy, is willing to help us obtain
some of these “clothes.” Specifically, he can help us get some ballroom
t-shirts. If a dozen people buy them, they can be priced at $9 each, which is
hardly unreasonable. We reassure Peter that we’ll be able to fix the grammar in
the original t-shirt design.

Thusly we adjourn. And begin to exchange Greyhound bus stories. Helle’s sister
was one invited to join an art colony in the Ozarks, a life many of us can only
dream of. Valerie’s sister was once given a man’s luggage for three hours when
he lost the courage to ask her out. Marta relates a particularly chilling story
involving her mother, insomnia, and a man cleaning his many toes. The less you
know, the better.
This set of minutes represents a tremendous advance in archaeological knowledge.
 
The notes for these minutes were found in the basement of the White Temple of Uruk,
(beneath several first drafts of the Magna Carta, the Dead Sea Scrolls, and the Lord
of the Rings). They were translated with the help of the Rosetta stone. While dating
items this old can be tricky, carbon dating indicates the notes are anywhere from a
thousand years to three weeks old. Enjoy!
 
"What had been lost"
Minutes for 4/11/6
 
In attendance:
Marta Evans
Chris Blaine
Ben Wright-Heuman
Valerie Schmidt
Allison Goldsmith
Brendan Cox
Helle Slutz
Becca Helton
Emma Wampler
Arianna Herman
Peter Catlin
Jeff Force
Vanessa Gusick
Later: Autumn Shoaf
 
In an unforeseen tragedy, your secretary arrives late to this particular meeting and
misses the beginning of the hilarious banter. Please use your imagination to
conceptualize some witty banter of your own. I arrive to find everyone sharing
in some group jealousy/resentment of our more successful high school peers.
But if we had patented several inventions, written a series of novels, cured multiple
diseases, and liberated one or two countries before graduating high school, would
we still be at this KCBDC meeting? I suggest that we would not.
 
Let’s all try to believe this, if only to make ourselves feel less like failures.
 
Peter is the head honcho, big cheese, numero uno, and other such phrases, as it is
decided that we start the meeting with his business. Peter’s business, as it turns out,
involves the yearbook. Specifically, what pictures have we chosen to submit? Well,
it turns out we don’t have direct control over what pictures end up in the yearbook.
We submit several, and they choose which ones end up on our (sure-to-be-awesome)
page. If anyone would like to submit any further photos to the yearbook, they can do
so by posting them on the P drive. Sadly, this is the end of Peter’s business. We now
return to our regularly scheduled business.
 
Luckily, this also involves pictures. As members of ballroom, we naturally enjoy
things that potentially feature ourselves. The web-savvy Becca has appeased this
vanity by adding all the pictures from fall 2005 to the website. Emma vows to
continue Becca’s example of appeasement by adding the photos from spring 2006.
 
Huzzah for vanity!
 
On a less self-absorbed topic, our budget has once again gone screwy. In more
"technical" terms, something "weird" happened at the BFC, and they "lost" the
form telling us our allocation. They’re currently "searching" for a "solid copy" of
it. (I apologize if any of this is too technical.) Anyway, if they can’t find it, they’re
going to re-convene and re-decide on how much moola they’re going to give us.
If they do need to re-convene, we optimistically hope they err on the side of caution
and give us more than they initially did. They may also be feeling bad about all the
trouble they’ve put us through. And they should! We’re super upset.
 
In general, though, it’s been a good year for budgets. One exception is the Bring
Your Own Book (BYOB) Club, which asked for something like $2000, and only
got $12. Ouch. Still, that likely won’t happen to us. Unless I just jinxed us.
 
Irony is a cruel mistress.
 
Speaking of cruel mistresses, we’re nominating Valerie for unsung hero of the year!
Not stopping there, we’re nominating Allison for rising leader of the year! Huzzah!
These nominations are for the Student Leadership Awards, if you missed that.
We’ve decided not to try for Organization of the Year, as that award nearly always
goes to fraternities, who are so much better at "mobilizing the community." We’re
not so into the mobilization of communities. We still manage to get by, however,
content in this knowledge.
 
Now, for the continuing drama of the trustee’s dinner. To review, we’ll be dancing
for the people who made the KAC happen (aka: old people).
 
Sudden, A.D.D.-inspired topic change: Moving Svetlana lessons to the KAC is
brought up. The multipurpose room closes at 9pm on Sundays, so Svetlana lessons
on Sunday would be problematic. However, they remain open until midnight on
weekdays. On Saturday, strangely enough, it closes at 11pm. We decide that this is
weird. Getting back to our original topic…
 
What dances should we do? We’ll be doing four dances, each for about a minute.
 
We want dances that are interesting to watch (i.e. not waltz), so samba, tango,
foxtrot, and swing are chosen. Of course, they want us costumed, huge, and
feathery. (Who wouldn’t?) Having three couples on the floor for each dance
would be ideal.
 
Now, we have until April 21st, at 9pm, to prepare. And unlike competitions,
there is no syllabus for open moves. As such, we should use this time to learn
open moves! Screw syllabus! Wecan do anything we want! We’ll ask Svetlana
to teach us the craziest stuff she knows! Speaking of which, we can use the
Svetlana bow as well! And it won’t stop here, oh no. Once we have an awesome
exhibition worked out, we can use it at any number of events! Milk it for all its
worth! And then, we’ll take over Poland!
 
Everything is falling into place…
 
Oh, and the admitted students’ day fair… We probably won’t be dancing. We’ll
wait until next year when we (hopefully) will have a ready-made exhibition planned.
Until then, we need a display, and people to take charge of our table.
 
In place of a display, perhaps we can use a laptop? Yeah, that will work. And it
will look all modern-ish, too. Everyone will say "That ballroom dance club has
totally got it together." And they’ll be right. The people who will be keeping us
together from 3 to 4 will be Vanessa and Becca, while Marta and Chris will keep
us together from 4 to 5. We have a plan.
 
Marta adjourns us with her fictional gavel.
 
 
At long last, we’ve arrived at the end of my secretarial journey. It’s been a fun ride,
fraught with peril and adult situations. I know I’ve not been the most punctual of
secretaries (I felt accomplished every time my minutes were sent out within the same
decennium as the meeting). However, you could always depend on me to… show up
to the meetings. Yeah, that’s it.
 
Screw it; my goodbyes suck. Good luck, Helle!
 
"Radical Sequins and Feathers"
Minutes for 4/18/6
 
In attendance:
Marta Evans
Chris Blaine
Ben Wright-Heuman
Valerie Schmidt
Allison Goldsmith
Brendan Cox
Becca Helton
Emma Wampler
Arianna Herman
Vanessa Gusick
Later: Helle Slutz
Autumn Shoaf
 
The activities fair was a success! And what better way to follow up successful
promotion of oneself than with gossip? The iconic image of an apathetic son
being dragged around by an overly-enthusiastic mother is savored. The less-iconic,
but still amusing, image of an apathetic daughter / enthusiastic father pair is also
recounted. I wonder if any of the admitted students at the fair will end up coming to
Kenyon, joining ballroom, and reading these minutes.
 
If so, I apologize on behalf of the club for making fun of you. It’s just really satisfying.
You’ll understand some day.
 
The Trustee’s dinner is this Friday, and preparations are being finalized. One again,
those four lucky dances we’ll be doing are the foxtrot, tango, swing, and samba,
with hustle as a prospective encore. The time of the dinner has been moved up from
9 to "around 8." It seems Kenyon administrators are just as disorganized as Kenyon
students when it comes to scheduling. We tentatively decide to meet at the KAC at
7:45. If we’re late, tough beans. The richie-roos can wait with their fancy breads and
wines. The ice rink has a sound system, and ideally we’d like someone there to fade in
and out between songs. Perhaps Ginger, Valerie’s and Marta’s roommate, could
accompany us as our club photographer? That would make us look pretty cool. So,
that’ll be our tentative plan, tentatively. Until then, we’ll continue to work on our combos.
 
Additionally, Marta will pull reconnaissance and scope the ice rink out on Thursday,
and let us know what we’ll be dealing with via electro-mail. (I hope I succeeded in
making that sound at least slightly cooler.)
 
We still do not have our budget for the next year. Marta sent an e-mail to the BFC
asking if there was "anything we can do to speed the process along". This is a tactful
way of saying "Where the fuck is our money?" The budget folk did not meet on
wSaturday, but assure us e’ll have our budget by Thursday. We hope we do, for their
sake. Valerie suggests an appropriately ballroom-y punishment for those who are late
in their monetary payments. With the UConn treasurer in mind, she suggests we sequin
and feather them. Dress-related punishments are also brought up. Crazy ballroom mob
mentality is a horrible thing to behold.
 
Let us hope the BFC is spared our fury.
 
Next year, we’ll need new people to do the Apple Valley thing. Chris, Vanessa, and
Helle all say they might be interested. It’s unclear of how AV will actually work in
conjunction with the Svetlana trips. Perhaps instructors can switch off or schedules
can be changed around. Whatever is going to be done, it’ll be done next year. In
other words, let’s not worry about it yet.
 
There have been certain unsubstantiated rumors concerning certain unconfirmed pictures
that have appeared on a certain P drive. They feature two males (let’s call them C and B)
in dresses, which may or may not (probably not) look good on them. Emma claims her
mother has seen them, but we all know Emma’s mother is a liar. Emma might be too. We
don’t know, do we? Skepticism is the best defense in this world of uncertainty. Believe
nothing you hear (or see)!
 
The last practice is approaching… It will be held on the Wednesday of the last week
of classes. At that practice, "we make party!" as Ben would say. Prior to that practice,
we’ll ask Svetlana to teach us craziness such as samba rolls, international foxtrot, Paso,
and hustle. "True dat, yo" as Helle would (and did) say.
 
The time of t-shirts approaches! Becca has one of the older shirts, and vows to send
pictures of it to Chris for the purposes of re-creating. Ben attempts to remember some
of the ten innuendos printed on it. He fails. Entirely. In light of Ben’s failure, various other
funny t-shirts are remembered. I tell a particularly humorous example of a t-shirt that had
"Get (radical sign)" on it.
 
In other terms, it was meant to say "Get Radical." This sends everyone into hysterics.
Vanessa attempts to dull my hilarious joke, but is met with ridicule. She is left alone in
her shame.
 
At this point, the stress of note-taking may have taken a toll on the secretary’s ability
to discern reality. And his note-taking ability has also taken a hit. The accuracy (and
context) of the following events is a bit shaky.
 
It is agreed that Helle is always cool (cold?).
 
Ben begins telling a story about a bear character with business. Or perhaps his beau?
My r’s look a great deal like my u’s. Perhaps his beau is a bear? I suppose we’ll never
know for sure. Then Ben eats a unicorn.
 
Marta informs me that she never has to "officially" start a meeting, because her very
voice exudes officiality. It’s magic like that.
 
I begin to choke on some malevolent piece of food, but vanquish it. Valerie reassures
me that if the situation had become serious, she knows the Heimlich maneuver. It must
be said that she did not say this in order to reassure me in any way. Any reassurance I
may have felt would have been unintentional. Her only real intention was to say "Hey,
look what I can do!" without it being a non sequitur. Not that I’m not impressed with
her wide range of talents or anything.
 
Did we mention that the UConn check finally arrived? After many decades of waiting,
we can finally pay back Ben and Valerie’s mom. (On a slightly different topic, I paid
back Valerie’s mom last night.) Additionally, we’ve finally gotten our hands on Allyson’s
OSB comp fee! Huzzahs are in order! We dance around like little monkeys and plot
expenditures.
 
Godzilla attacks Ascension Hall. Ultraman is called, but the line is busy.
 
Vanessa's phone is pink, purple, and fuzzy.
 
I step out for a moment to collect some pizza, mistakenly leaving Emma in charge.
She abuses this privilege immediately, filling my notes with blasphemous attacks on
my character. However, I’m willing to forgive Emma, as I understand the temptation
to abuse one’s secretarial power.
 
Arianna eats something! We’re all very proud of her.
 
We probably adjourn!
Ballroom Minutes—4/25/06
In Attendance:
Helle Slutz
Peter Catlin                 
Rebecca Helton           
Emma Wampler
Brendan Cox               
Marta Evans                
Benjamin Wright-Heuman        
Valerie Schmidt
Later: Jeffery Force               
Autumn Shoaf              
Christopher Blaine
Arianna Herman          
Vanessa Gusick         
Allison Goldsmith
 
In the lovely state of Ohio, internationally known for its clement weather and high
culture, our heroes meet for yet another session of the Kenyon College Ballroom
Dance Club officer’s meetings.  Deep in the bowels of their imposing stone fortress,
they calmly plan their collective fate…
 
SCENE I.
Club members chat earnestly, no doubt forging world peace, until vice
president Benjamin Wright-Heuman murders the conversation 
 
Mr. Peter Catlin: That reminds me of a quote by EB White… Something about
“bringing a topic down,” but I can’t quite remember it.  Maybe it had to do with
dissecting a topic…
 
Miss Helle Slutz: When I was in eighth grade we dissected live worms.  It was
awful—they kept squirming and we had to slice them open with a scalpel. 
 
General indignation: “we’re eating here!”
 
Mr. Brendan Cox: I don’t like worms.  They decompose my ancestors! 
 
Catlin:  Laughing.  Brendan, some day you will get into an accident and you’ll
wake up on an operating table with worms in white coats leaning over you. 
 
Mr. Jeffery Force.  Munching on Cinnamon Toast Crunch and ignoring the
conversation. There should be an Invisible Toast Crunch: “the taste you can’t see!”
 
 Cox: Seriously.  Yeah, but the only marketable invisible food would be meals in
restaurants—otherwise it would be too easy to cheat people and they wouldn’t buy
the food.  I mean, they wouldn’t know whether the packages they paid for actually
contained anything or not.  I wouldn’t trust someone trying to sell me invisible food!   
 
Miss Emma Wampler:  Wisely.  Well, you could sell noodles that only became invisible
when boiled. 
 
Cox: Chuckles
Slutz: What’s so funny? 
 
Cox: Nothing…I’m just thinking about putting invisible noodles on stairs… 
 
The Honorable Ms. Marta Evans, president: But then you might have problems
with people with eating disorders.  I mean, they could just pretend to be eating invisible
food!  “I’m eating, really, it’s just invisible noodles!” 
 
Cox: Clear is one of my favorite colors!
 
Force: Actually, I saw a “Stargate” episode once involving invisible worms. 
 
SCENE II
 
Evans: Well, now that everyone’s here, let’s get down to business.  To be quite
honest, we don’t really have that much to talk about.  I mean, it’s late in the year, the
contests are over…  Oh, here’s something!  Thanks everyone for a great performance
 for the trustees.  We were “very much appreciated,” and the Nuge is happy!  Now
about that honorarium…if it’s transferred to our account now it won’t roll over! I will
talk to Jody Vance:  Maybe we can put it into the KCBDC bank account.  I believe
our webmaster has something to tell us.  Yes, oh master of the web?
 
Wampler: Pictures from the exhibition are now on the P-drive.  Yup. 
 
Schmidt: Hey, speaking of pictures, should we film dancing at the end-of-the-year
party?  I can see about renting a camera from the AV room.  Benefits of doing so
would include helping us remember all the moves we know, as well as recording the
moves only Marta and Scott can do.  Oh, and we should also make a list of moves. 
 
Evans: Great.  Ok, what else?  Aha… next Monday and Tuesday the floor will be
open for newbies to practice teaching.  I really encourage you guys to do this,
although keep in mind that it’s a lot harder when you actually have a huge crowd
of newbies…who sometimes don’t pay attention and often don’t vocalize their
problems. 
 
Slutz: Maybe we should get a speakerphone to get attention!
 
This leads our heroes to the always amusing topic of frat boys going to
ballroom simply to hit on Marta.
 
Schmidt:  Girls, it’s very important to remember to use your “womanly wiles”
to keep guys in the club: date them!  Sly, self-satisfied Valerie look  You know
the one..  Marta and I each dated two different members of the team, so we
know the trick works.  In fact, when we joined, almost all the people on the team
were sleeping with and/or dating other ballroomers.  No joke.  The club had to
make rules about kissing on the dance floor and dating one’s dance partner.  Has
a brilliant revelation:  We should chance the slogan to: “Hey, want a girl?  Come
to ballroom!”
 
Evans:  Um…right…exactly.  Whoring out our members is always a good idea. 
Neeext item.  Sadly.  Wednesday, May 3 will be the last practice of the year. 
Team members look dejected.  On the bright side, Svetlana will be coming
tomorrow.  General cheering-up.  And now to the financial report!
 
Cox:  Very impressive and businessman-like.  We currently have $1,079.30
in the account.  Much of this must be because of our 20 dues- paying members. 
Now we can pay people back for hotel rooms and such!  Aaaaand this means…
snacks at the end- of- the- year party! 
 
General excitement and exclamations:
Fruit!  Dipping Chocolate!  Ice sculptures!  A single rare, giant truffle!  A
chocolate fountain!  Club members’ eyes become glassy at the thought of
such delicacies.
 
Evans:  Ahem.  Yes…back to the agenda…  We finally have our budget!! 
General cheering.  We did not get enough for emergency housing or extra
Svetlana lessons, and we only got half of what we asked for for the Snow Ball. 
We do have enough money for 10 Svetlana lessons, (we asked for 12), as well
as all the money we need for competition transportation.  We will need to find
other money for dances and Svetlana trips. 
 
Catlin: Always helpful.  I suggest that you try Fun Funds, Gund Funds, Pierce
Funds, etc.  You’ll most likely be able to scrape up enough money that way.   
 
Evans:  Shuffling papers.  Clears throat.  It is time to collect information about
the running of the club. 
 
More general sadness and reminiscence. 
 
Schmidt: I have already written a little to pass on to my illustrious successor,
and I’m sending the usual club flyers to Chris. 
 
Other club members express intentions to write something soon.  General
bustle as members prepare to leave. 
 
Wright-Heuman:  Before y’all go, the trip to Svetlana’s studio in Columbus has
been cancelled.  Basically, no one could go.  But I think that next year we will
need more than one lesson per week in order to have something to teach; I mean
Svetlana mostly focuses on technique when she comes. 
 
Evans: Yeah, true.  The newbies won’t be ready for a while, and it’s usually
difficult for the newbies to keep dances separated at first.  But on the upshot that
serves as a means of “thinning the herd!”  We can get the supplemental money
for extra lessons at any time; whenever we decide that the newbies might be able
to survive the Svetlana.  General consensus. We should also inform newbies
before lessons that they will be overwhelmed. 
 
And finally, adjournment.  Team members straggle out the door, exhausted
by a long meeting’s hard work.  The secretary slips on her way up the stairs,
 no doubt upon some invisible noodles planted there by Mr. Cox.  At least,
that is the story she’s sticking to. 
Ballroom Minutes 5/2/06: Better Late…
 
Attending:
Scott Brown
Allison Whipple
Vanessa Gusick
Allison Goldsmith
Arianna Herman
Valerie Schmidt
Peter Catlin
Marta Evans
Chris Blaine
Brendan Cox
Emma Wampler
Jeffery Force
Ben Wright-Heuman
Helle Slutz (late)
 
The Secretaire Extraordinaire arrives at the meeting ten minutes late, sopping wet
from the inclement Ohio weather, still groggy from a nap, and crabby.  Very, very
crabby.  Unable to run and get food due to the proceeding meeting, she grabs her
pen and paper and begins to take notes, shivering miserably in the freezing Peirce
basement.    
 
Today’s meeting runs under the guidance of the honorable Mr. Chris Blaine, our
humble club’s new President Elect.  Mr. Blaine jumps right to business.  
 
How are we going to begin the club this fall?  Chris likes the way things were
  • done last year. 
    •  
    We should remember that the activities fair is always the first Saturday after classes.
     
    Before we open the club to new members, we should have a week or so of  review
    practices.  We should also do some Svetlana warm- ups to help remember  technique.
     
    Dances to do at the activities fair:  rhythm and Latin: fun, high-energy dances to
    rope people in.  Also, smooth and standard are not good on the pavement!
     
    We should decide who teaches what; some people might want to specialize in
    certain dances.
     
    Someone will need to remember to pick up the keys from Security on Monday
    nights.
     
    A momentary pause in the proceedings: former president Marta yells at Allison Whipple:
    “Allison, chew your food!”  And…back to business. 
     
    How much time should we leave between the activities fair and the swing dance?  Not too
     long; the purpose of both is to get the newbies hooked!
     
    Valerie, grinning evilly, instructs her loyal followers to “start thinking in a predatory way.”
     
    We will need to find extra funding for the swing dance (food and decorations)
    Suggestions: Gund Funds, Fun Funds, SAC.
     
    The dance this past year cost $78 (Scott paid for it and was later reimbursed). 
     
    Valerie: “Brendan, you need to reimburse my mom…for last night!  Oh, and also for Notre
    Dame”
     
    Should we pay Ben back?  Well, ok, if we really have to…
     
    The Honorarium will be put into the ballroom bank account, but Marta doesn’t know if
    we can have the people transfer it there or if we will need a check.
     
    Allison will go to the accounting center at Eaton. 
     
    Marta: “I hate those people!  They’re very like ‘Hm.  We have money.  Go to the waiting
     room.”
    Allison: “I though having money makes you Jewish…”  General indignation.
     
    Becka advises the new officers to reserve everything NOW.
    Ben: Does anyone have a problem with moving Svetlana lessons to a multipurpose room in
    the KAC? 
    It is generally agreed that by the time the newbies are ready for The Svetlana, they will be
    dedicated enough to hike it down to the KAC.
     
    The hungry secretary notes that Scott is overly pleased about having fresh mozzarella from
    the Pub; he sits and eats it with a smug look on his face.  Apparently he feels like he is in a
    fancy restaurant.
     
    For some reason, this leads to commiserating about Ballroom horrors:
    First, Marta discusses the “very, very, very, very skanky Latin outfit.”
    “One word: “crotchless”
    It has a net that is completely see-through over the crotch, and Marta has a long torso…
    Marta was dragged into it Sophomore year, but she wore it with shorts. 
    Scott:  “Didn’t you wear that to Shock Your Mama one year?  But you didn’t wear it with
    shorts…”
    Marta: “I wore it with something…”
    Marta was asked to leave the dance floor when she wore it to a competition one year. 
    Peter apparently had to get a black, stretchy shirt for the Latin dances.  He got it from the
    girl’s section, and it was so short that he had to pin it to his pants to keep from showing a
    bare midriff. 
     
    The secretary’s current misery is somewhat alleviated by the mention of past club members
    grinding on judges during fun or free dances.  She would very much like to see this happen
    again…preferably if Brendan was the one dancing and she was the one with the video camera…
     
    Once again Valerie, Marta, and Allison regale their successors with tales of Stinky the
    Stand-By Partner, who danced poorly but smelled worse.  We now learn that he also blamed
    his partners for his poor dancing.  Sounds like a winner!  Apparently Stinky also had trouble
    growing facial hair.  Allison makes fun of facial hair and men not being able to grow beards;
    Scott is mysteriously offended and leaves.
     
    El Capitan Chris steers the meeting back to business. 
     
    The club shirts are coming!  They should be here by next Friday.  If club members are leaving
    early, Chris will ship them to you.  He is also willing to accept more money and make a profit
    on t-shirts. 
    Party food!  The ginger-lemon cookies will indeed make an appearance.  Do we want pizza? 
    Yes?  Maybe?  We don’t know. 
     
    Scott returns, with an ice cream sundae, looking smug again.  The secretary considers tackling
    him, but the image of a spilled ice cream sundae restrains her.  
     
    Chris decides that it is very difficult to eat and talk at the same time, even though he has The
     Presidential Sandwich. 
     
    It is decided that if things go well this year, Marta is wrong.  If things go poorly, it is because
    of the sandwich. 
     
    Here, the secretary gives in to her empty stomach and tag-teams secretary duties with her
    illustrious predecessor, Mr. Brendan Cox.  His contributions:
     
    And the present secretary returns with the most amazing wrap ever from the Pub. 
    Upon returning, she discovers that:
    ·        Ben is Jeff’s middle name. 
    ·        Ben doesn’t have a middle name, but he does have a hyphened last name.
    ·        Allison decides that his parents were lazy. 
     
    Ben attempts a swipe at the secretary’s last name but succeeds only in making her angry. 
    Allison: “You have a pen, stab him in the head!”
     
    It is decided that Ben is the only one allowed to stab Ben.
     
    Chris: “Ooookay.  Any last advice to keep us from…getting killed?”
    Valerie: “Wellness!  Wellness freshman are excellent prey!”  The President, Secretary, and
    Historian all look at each other.  Wait a minute; they were all Wellness freshmen…
    But they also know RAs, and will be forcing them to send over their froshes.  The cycle continues.   
     
    Adjournment.

    Return to Officers and Minutes