Kenyon College Ballroom Dance Club: Minutes Fall 2007

Kenyon College Ballroom Dance Club: Minutes for Fall 2007

9/10/07

Ladies and Gentlemen:

This is the last time I will baby-sit the minutes. Next week, they will
recommence as the manic force of nature they have always been. Today is the
last time I will tame myself for you. Here are your important New Member
Notes, from Chris, with love.

Presidential Announcements:

Great job in the last couple of weeks. This weekend we’ll be having our annual
swing dance (Saturday) from 8-11ish. We’ll start with a swing lesson from 8-9
and then we’ll have swing music for several hours. There will also be a fun
competition with some of the best prizes that you could possibly hope for.
(Just wait, they are amazing.)

Agenda for next week: Just a reminder that we’ll be practicing tonight (Wed) and
tomorrow from 9-11 in the ballroom and then mon 9-11. Tonight is Jive and mambo
as well as a quick talk about the possibilities of competing (if you can’t make
it and are interested in competitions then let one of us know). We’ll also
teach a couple more mambo moves. Then, Thursday will be international rumba
and swing. There will be no practice this Sunday but we will teach quickstep
and more cha cha moves o Monday.

Minutes for officer’s meeting 9/last week:

Chris, Ani. Ari, Maya, Saskia, Brendan, Emma, Ben, and I were all there.

-Anneke says something about cheerleaders. This was spurred by the game she and
Maya were playing with their cups. I know, they’re four years old.

[Yeah, that’s right, Andrew]

-I leave to get lemon bars. They’re so good, man. If only there was a way to
snort them. Anybody got a spoon?

-Sing Dance this Saturday. There might be prizes. I might just go to Cedar
Point instead.

-Discussion of who will teach and when, teachers will patrol floor now, this
will all be in separate emails from now on, or at the announcements at the
beginning of this email.

-Discussion dissolves, guards are thrown down, duels follow. All die. Exeunt.

Minutes 9/17/07

Maya ………………………………….Maraka Saskia………………………………….Mittens! Ari…………………………………Taller than the average midget Chris…………………………………...Taller than most giraffes Ben…………………………………….Southern Emma…………………………………..The Bride Brendan………………………………...We’ll call him bill Elena…………………………………...Elenore Rigby? Darren………………………….Lord McCorkle (‘s gotta ring to it) Suzanna………………………………...Stroganoff is delicious Caleb…………………………………...Caleb Lincoln Anneke…………………………………Less bitter of the two Andrew………………………………...A ten foot tall iguana Ladies and Gents, I can safely say that I have absolutely no idea when the minutes are from. I’ve tried, and failed, to recall to my mind their exact location in my current space-time continuum. Also, I would like to inform you that my proofreader has been shot and replaced with a roomful of word-processor wielding Bonobos. Did you know that Bonobo is not in the MS Word dictionary? Amazing. I do recall what was for dinner, because it was good. Right, I know, good gund food. What are the odds? 3,757 to 1, or roughly the chances of successfully navigating an asteroid field. But don’t tell Han Solo the odds. Where was I? The Food! The food was chicken cordon bleu (which AVI can do rather well) and hot mulled cider. Two for one! Wha-BAM! Next I have a comment about Rhodesia, which apparently has a wonderful trade in tobacco going for itself. Who cares? Waiting…. You’re probably wondering who brought this up. I’ll give you three guess, one for each of the club’s econ majors. Then you can write each of their initials on a bullet, load them into a revolver, spin the chambers, and blow your head off. You have a 33.3 (with repeating decimal) percent chance of blowing your head off with the correct major, assuming that there are six chambers and you use two bullets for each one of them. If you killed yourself with the bullet that had Chris’s initials on it, congratulations! Not only are you correct, but also your own personal hell is going to be reading my minutes for all of eternity! After this meaningless talk by Chris about Rhodesia, I decided to slap him down, so I had him read off his daily regimen to me. Apparently Chris gets up at 7 am, went to three classes, worked on a paper, finished his second paper, and had just enough time after his daily workout to change before he came to the meeting. Later he’ll go down to the BARF to work until closing, at midnight. I got up at 9:30, went to one class (which I slept through), read a book for fun for a couple hours after lunch, then drove down to the Kokosing and watched fish. Didn’t fish, didn’t swim, just sat and watched fish for two hours. Wha-BAM! This was apparently before the minutes were perpetually late, and everyone just thought they sucked. Fuck you all. I have the option of writing these, or watching fish. You make the adult decision about which is better. Everyone then complained about how the minutes have been censored lately. Just so you know, I wrote the word Fuck in the above paragraph. If you’re so offended by the pointless use of obscenity, I ask you, where does censorship end? First, a word with connotations which may offend parents of small children is censored. Then, the idea of writing about is also censored. Next, the act itself is censored. It the world of absolutes which George W Bush has created, you must either be completely for an idea (and a patriot) or entirely against it (and a terrorist). Apparently I will be disappeared to Gitmo in two weeks when the kid whose dad works for the FBI gets around to reading this. And it’s your fault, because you allow the government to censor me and don’t stand up for free speech. Well, you know what? Fuck. There’s my stand. If you don’t like it, wait two weeks and then Chris will be doing the meetings. On the subject of censorship, this meeting was also before Will Graham came to campus. I’m sure you all know what his side of the f-bomb is. Just letting those of you offended know, he’s on your side to. Also on the subject, the middle path preacher was out and about earlier that day we had this meeting then. Personally, I preferred brother Jeb, the guy on BGSU’s campus back in the 60’s. Man, what a nutbar. Also this (or I should say, that) week was the first week newbies showed up! Chloe……………………………………………????????????????? Caroline………………………………………….???????????????? Sorry, I don’t think I can think of anything non-offensive and clever. Come more often and I’ll get a better gauge of the kind of nickname I can throw down. But welcome! Next was some stuff about Svetlana being with child, which I find wonderful by the way. The kid is gonna be like a wild gazelle, he’ll be dancing like twenty minutes after he’s born and running with the heard in under twenty-four hours. Next was another one of my jabs on foxtrot. But I mean, who likes fox trot? Foxes don’t even like it, it’s so lame that when the dance came out they stopped trotting and started walking instead. Next my notes say “I have to be honest, I hate this room”. Right now I’m in my room, but looking around I have to agree. Yeah, I hate my room, I think I’m just gonna get a jack hammer and go to work on it in a minute. Next was something about how much scheduling sucks, but that’s boring so I’m skipping ahead to my next note, “God I love cider.” Damn straight! Cider stomps balls! I could drink every day for an entire year and it would suck after two weeks but right now (I should say ‘right then’) damn it kicks ass. Apparently my legs were sore during this meeting too. The note says “My legs are sore.” I guess this says both something about how much I complain and about how much these meetings suck, because my sore legs were more interesting than anything you guys had to say since scheduling and even that’s boring. I mean, when the last interesting thing you talked about is less interesting then the Gatorade I’m drinking right now, in the present (I know, it’s not fair if the flavor is lemon-lime) but I mean C’MON PEOPLE. I THOUGHT THIS JOB
WOULD BE FUN. The new people complained about how many other new people there were at this point. New people, meet Maya. Maya, meet new people. Man, this is depressing. I wrote “Competitions: You need to pay dues. Whatever. I don’t plan on paying them.” But I totally did pay them a week ago. Damn, grow a spine, dude. I think Ben then proposed that we kidnap newbies who sign up for competitions but back out without paying. First off, you guys couldn’t kidnap a senior citizen. And they could probably use the company. Sorry if that wasn’t your idea Ben, but it honestly sounded like something you’d suggest. Man, this is just getting more depressing. “Allison thinks she can snap her fingers and people will pay up. Well yo gonna have to break these fingers you want me to do anythin’, woman.” Christ, she didn’t even snap her fingers. I just gave Brendan the cash. God I suck. The last thing on my sheet was a dead ant that I crushed in my room with the minutes like a week ago. I find him twice as interesting as anything we talked about at this meeting. I’m saying this meeting was actually the 17th of September, and last minutes were the 24th. Best guess, anyway. See you in November!

Minutes 9/24/07
Maya ………………………………….the Duchess of Canterbury Saskia………………………………….her lady in waiting Ari……………………………………..Mistress of the Night Chris…………………………………...A Eunuch Ben…………………………………….Iago Emma…………………………………..Lady Snowblood Brendan………………………………...Hanzo Hatori Elena…………………………………...Lady Lenore Darren………………………………….Lord McCorkle Suzanna………………………………...Lady Stroganoff Caleb…………………………………...Abe Lincoln Anneke…………………………………Cornwallis Andrew………………………………...A ten foot tall cactus Ladies and Gents, God, how long has it been? Four weeks, honest to goodness, I don’t even recall what day these minutes were for. My better intuition says the 17th of September. Too long I say! I don’t even recall to my supple mind what occurred, and since all I have is a paltry scribble of notes, I propose to simply open my sopping mind and let you drink thereof. Our first order of business was, as I recall, a short discussion of why my minutes occurring with slower and slower frequency, to the point where they became less frequent than those of our last secretary. Ladies and Gents, here they are. If you want to complain, talk to your computer screens. Do not talk to me. Apparently we discussed accents after this. I assume this means Thomas was at the meeting. Thomas………………………………..Colonel Sanders. And Thomas being there, Allison must also have been there. Allison……………………………..Get well soon, we love you! Personally, I don’t care much for the topic of accents. I say, who cares? Obviously people from Vermont, like Chris. It just now occurs to my
betterhalf that we’ve talked about accents during every meeting since Maya
started calling it Oregun. Discussion apparently then traveled to the war of northern aggression. How about, war of Northern ass kicking? Suck on that Virginia. You Lose! This meeting was apparently before Will Graham visited. I like Graham crackers. Has anyone reading this seen the Sandlot? Where do babies come from? Get on your belly! Do it @$$-#*!?! This meeting was also before the animal blessing ceremony at the Episcopal service. Why bother? The Catholic Church agrees they don’t have
souls, so what’s the point? Do you feel guilty about the lack of soul in your dog?
Do you think blessings will make it up to him? Does your cat actually care about your guilt, or is she really just hanging out because Fancy Feast is delicious? Trust
me, Fancy Fest is delicious. Now is an excellent time to question your cat’s loyalties.
I suggest eating her. Think “Corn-Fed Venison”. Lets see, now in my notes there’s a bunch about what dances OH GET OVER IT CAT LOVERS, IF YOU’RE THAT OFFENDED GO JOIN PITA AND
BOMB MY HOUSE we were going to do that week, but that week is two weeks
old from where we sit here today in our COMFORTABLE EASY CHAIRS
WEARING SMOKING JACKETS AND SIPPING COGNAC so who cares moving on. Anneke, I have a note here that reads, verbatim, “Anneke confuses me. A tall? What the hell, Anneke.” Anneke, what is the meaning of this note? What is
the meaning of Cow Tools? What is the meaning of life? Oh yeah, this is where we agreed to do meetings later. You know what, that means these minutes are the ones for the 24th of September. Yeah, I uh, I really undershot it with the 17th, didn’t I? So anyway, not meetings, practices,
they will now be half-hour fun dances hour lesson half hour fun dance. Congrats,
you’re mediocre! Ha ha, comp fees were due a week ago! You’re late and you can’t go because I didn’t write these minutes until now. Whatever bring it, I could take you. Unless you’re Maya, in which case, spank me I’ve been a naughty boy. Now this thing says next weekend is the 13th, but we didn’t have a meeting on the 8th of October maybe this was for the 1st of October? OH GOD
SO CONFUSED! Anyway, this was the first minutes I picked up so it was somewhere in there. Enjoy, the other minutes I have are coming soon!

Minutes 10/22-11/26/07

Maya ………………………………….White Tiger
Saskia………………………………….Black Magic Woman
Ari……………………………………..Now we dance ChaChaCha
Chris…………………………………...Feels like a woman
Ben…………………………………….I just can’t do it
Emma…………………………………..takes two to tango
Brendan………………………………...Na na na na
Elena…………………………………...Na na na na
Darren………………………………….Hey hey hey?
Suzanna………………………………...Disco Inferno!
Caleb…………………………………...Burned that mother down
Anneke…………………………………Got home late on Sunday
Jack…………………………………….Nice Haircut
Cloe…………………………………….Ba-dow!
Caroline………………………………...Not Charlotte
Jen………………………………………Like a rockstar
Diana……………………………………will kill you.
Andrew………………………………...That’s all there is!


Ladies and Gents,
Okay folks, I know, I know, they’re really late.  Next time you have to plan a
week of activities for a Res-Life Committee, let me know.

This is going to be a sort of Mish-Mash of meetings.  Think of it as a double
issue of Batman.  You get twice the action for the same sticker price.  Can I
get a “Holy-Late Fees, Batman?”

The first meeting was from October. 22.  This is where I decided to start,
because the other meetings were beyond backlogged and very boring.  People were
at this meeting, but it was very short so I’m lumping all of them together.
Think of this as the extra feature at the end of the comic book done by an up
and coming writer-artist combo.

We first discussed how OSB was limiting Newcomer boys to 10 events, so we
decided to move everyone up to bronze.  A tough decision, but I think our
newcomers proved them wrong.  Quarter-finals, anyone?

At this point, Purdue housing had not yet responded, but I saw into the future
and said everything would be fine.  And would you believe it, it was!  Good
prediction, me!

Ben also planned to get a video camera for the competition.  Which he did!  Go
Ben!

That was it.  Those one-shots at the end of the double issue are always a let
down, aren’t they?

Our next meeting: I’m guessing this was the 29th of October.  There were people
there again, but to be honest, the list of names has gotten too long in recent
weeks to bother writing anymore.  There were 17 people for the last three weeks
straight.  Three weeks.  That’s as many people as went to OSB.

At this point, we had secured rooms for OSB.  Right next to this detail, I wrote
“Kill me now” in the margins.  They must have had meatloaf that night.

Darren also managed to secure vehicles from Melanie at this point.  Amazing.
The kid should be an astronaut or something.  You get vehicles from Melanie,
it’s like saying you swam to the moon.

My next note reads: “They had big pants in the I dunno.”  I suggest that you
stop reading here, get up, stretch, and go hug your nearest pet or loved one.

The rest of the week was assigned for competition prep.  I touch myself at
night.  Moving on.

November 5th: Chicken Cordon Bleu.  All I can say is, sometimes the Comic book
gods smile on you, and deliver some kick ass line like “Who am I?  I’m the
Goddamn Batman.”  This is one of those moments.  Sidebar: what in God’s name
happened in Frank Miller’s head?

This was right after Purdue, so Good Job at Purdue, Everybody!  If you can’t
hear the irony, just wait a second.  It’s still ringing from two weeks ago,
when this was only two weeks late.

We also continued reviewing advanced moves in this section.  This is the part of
the comic book where the heroes fight the same villains for the third time in
the same story arc.  It’s one of those masterbatory fight scenes that twelve
year olds drool over while I’m sitting here saying “God, why can’t I be more
visceral in these minutes?”  I was ahead of my time man, I was ahead of my
time.

My next note read: “Starball Transit is discussed.  Due to my inability to stay
on top of things, you’ll never know.”  I guess the jokes on me, because now you
know.  My life has never been so accurately and sadly summed up like this
before.

Next Meeting: November 12th.  This is the part in the comic book where you’re
into the second issue, and you’re running out of pages, and you know there’s no
way the author can even come close to a satisfying ending but you’re clinging to
that last thread of hope, desperately praying for the balm of resolution which
your parched lips will never taste.  Because you all really care what I’m
saying.

We first discussed jackets, then passed a sheet around asking for you to sign
your size and name on it.  I was sweating in my seat, trying to side if I’d
rather have a super-kick as jacket with “Princess” on it, or my books for next
semester.  Hell, we’ve got a library.

Next was “Thinking for yourself is stupid.  -Chris Blaine”.  Man, Chris, I
didn’t mean for you to take it literally.  I just said that you should get your
belly-button pierced with that pretty blue butter-fly.  Everybody else was doing
it.

“Doodling is fun” is on the next line, surrounded by a bunch of squiggles.  I
guess I totally zoned out here, for what looks like half the meeting.  But
don’t worry, I have a memory like a laser.  According to it, the next thing we
talked about was which supermodels we’d most like to see in a mud-wrestling
match-up.

We decided to talk about moves next, and arranged to go on a case by case basis.
 That big fight-scene at the end is revving up, folks.  Wonder who will
win…don’t care anymore, the whole story sucked…premise was novel but the author
didn’t really pay off…save your money.

Ha ha ha, my next note reads, “If you missed the form for uniforms contact Ari
immediately.”  Ho ho man that’s sad.  If you’re depending on me for this
information than sorry folks!  Haha, suckers.

The next bit was about elections, but you’ve already seen a bazillion emails on
that so you don’t need any new info from me.  Except that your interpretive
dance better not suck.  Mine’s going to kick ass.  You might as well give up
now, folks, I’m too awesome for your shit.  I’m like, in the yard, naked to the
waist, covered with oil as I brush my wild horses, and you’re like, “He’s so
dreamy!”

And that’s it, sports fans.  I hope the last bit was worth your money, and
special thanks to the dude from WWTDD, who I totally just plagiarized at the
end there.  It’s a good site, you should check it out.
Yeah, I know.  I want my money back, too, and I wrote the damn thing.  Somebody
else do this job.

Minutes 12/03/07

[Chris, Jack, Maya, Andrew, Anneke, Emma, Cloie, D, and Jen begin onstage.]

Dialogue begins with AVI's failure to have a single shaker with cinnamon AND
sugar, requiring Emma to make her toast in two stages.  It progresses through
Jack's Christmas decorations (McBride 302...check it out), to settle on shoes
("What is everyone's problem with boat shoes?").

[Enter Caleb]

A theory is put forward that ballroomers travel in packs.  No proof was
presented.  Prof. Shett (?) and Jack's prospie are discussed and dismissed.

[Enter Gavin, Saskia]

Anneke relates a story about going to Homecoming with a prof's son.  I think
Melick's son?

[Enter Brendan, Susannah]

There is a mutilated Golden Grahm.  Prof Kluge is going to Antarctica?  Another
story from Anneke--this one about a pick-up truck.

With Brendan's arrival, we get down to business...as much as that ever happens
here.

FUNDING!!!  We have been given money for three comps, 10 (of 12 requested)
Svetlana lessons, and a DJ and publicity for Snowball.

People need to give jacket money to Brendan.  Now.

SNOWBALL!!!  The date options are Jan 18, 19, 25, 26 (thanks Brendan!).  This
depends on the schedule of the professionals.  Chris is in contact with them
via Svetlana.  Must avoid conflict with Phling.  Location...unknown.  Not
Bolton Dance Studio.

Andrew declares himself a "godlike man of wonder" on the dance floor.

A committee is created for Snowball: Jack, Ben (we put you on it...), Brendan,
and maybe D?

It is decided that the last practice (12/12) will be a party...with FOOD!  (much
rejoicing.) Jack will cook for us if given money for ingredients.  He has been
given free rein, as long as there is at least one meat free dish.  If you have
allergies, you should probably let him know.  This will happen in the cooking
house, as we will be down at the KAC that night anyway.

Speaking of practice, tomorrow (Wed), is going to be "pull out the pretty
dresses!" night.

There is a Jinx war of undecided outcome between Jack and Andrew.  The proper
pronunciation of my name is discussed (-line, not -lyn), followed by the
spelling of Cloie's (not Chloe, not Chloie).

Discussions of rudeness (Brandon, how could you?).  It is decided that any email
from a prof should be followed with a thank you.

[Enter Arianna, to much jubilation]

Andrew makes the room be silent to listen to Maya ("I'm sorry..."), and in the
reactions, cohesion falls apart.  Profs are discussed, I hear "the name God
gave me..." (I have no clue.).  Anneke is never drinking again.  Neither is
Chris.  Consensus is reached that juries are death.

One last effort is made to accomplish something.  A declaration is made: NEW
OFFICERS, speak with those you are replacing about your duties.

The meeting is informally dismissed, around a battle royale of tray bumpercars.

[Exuent]

Minutes 12/10/07
I arrive to a room empty. Save for a drumset, and a lone set of food.... When I return, with my own food, it has been established that the food is Ari's, as ARI is there. The drums are a mystery still. We come to a consensus that the drums (and accompanying box of lights) are from the Junior Class Dinner. JEN enters, for a short time, followed by CHRIS, and then CLOIE. She seems particularly confused by the drums. EMMA enters, and then BEN, with a guitar. Ballroom band, anyone? ANNEKE arrives. There are discussions of advisors. Melick is a saint? GAVIN arrives and sits on the inside of the circle. EMMA is offended. ABBY arrives, for her first meeting ever! SUSANNAH arrives. There is a 93 year old prof at either Northwestern or...somewhere else. I forget. Kluge is crazy. ANDREW and MAYA enter. The official transfer of power between CHRIS and ANDREW occurs: the passing on of Svetlana's phone number. CALEB arrives. With these players gathered, we begin.... Last practice is Wednesday. Dinner will happen around 7, in either the cooking house or the KAC. If you have not yet paid Jack 7$, bring it that night. It's your ticket to get food. IF YOU ARE COMING TO THE DINNER ON WEDNESDAY, REPLY TO
THIS EMAIL! Jack needs to know how many people are coming. [Speak of the devil, JACK enters, followed by D and BRENDAN. At some point in the following discussion, GAVIN leaves] Next semester schedule. There is extensive discussion about dancing SMTW or SMWR. Decision is finally reached to reserve the KAC for Svetlana as always, and Gund for SMTR, so we can experiment and see which day, T or R works better for people. Officer's Meetings. Do any of the new officers have a conflict with the current time? Monday from 5:30 to 6:15ish? If you do, reply to this email. How to Stay Busy Next Semster?. Ideas: Finish teaching/reviewing moves Form, Floorcraft Coming up with larger combos, when to use them Discussion moves into random competition related things... -having a night more focused on competition stuff? -having one couple dance and other watch to comment -replace OSU with the Arnold thing? -Anneke/Maya will look at cost, dates, housing, etc Discussion moves to money related things... -apply for $ for Snowball, extra Svetlana lessons -use $ from Trustee humiliation to buy dance tapes to learn more advanced moves Caples 302 is officially dubbed CoCo(Co?) HQ. Queries are raised about the lack of faculty advisor...censorship is brought up. Jeff Force is dubbed Death on a golf cart... Sadness is spread...it was Chris and Ari's last meeting. There are air hugs. The meeting dissolves, with hilarity as Jack thinks to abscond with the box of lights...he thinks it belongs to ballroom. We enlighten him.

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